HUMOUR: “Ikivuguto and Maneko”

There is this type of human species that hide no emotions, tell him something and the next minute, everybody knows it. Maybe, that is why we decided among the trio to go and face “Abel’s knife” without telling any third party. When I talk of third parties, I mean anybody other than our “Chain Keepers”, these can be categorised as first or at worst “second parties”. In those days, soon after we had faced “Abel’s knife”, a tragedy befell us in that, we lost someone very instrumental in the lives of many and ours inclusive. We had to go for the funeral, in such a condition as we were, we decided not to take public means but have a vehicle of our own. “Ahamed Karazai” being the better driver than any of us, we decided that he drives us in his own Corona “Kitaala”. Being newly worked upon, we did not want to mix with any “kafirs” lest they contaminate us or vice versa. As we were planning, there was a guy who was very close to all of us. He was popularly known as Hitler (maybe he had some characteristics he shared with Adolf Hitler, I don’t know). Before I forget to remember, this guy (Hitler a.k.a Maneko) was renowned for never keeping a secret; here he was trying to travel with us. There used to be a Lady called “ikivuguto” (a common milk beverage) or yoghurt. Word had it that, while she was at NUR (National University of Rwanda) she went out with a very powerful bloke, when she returned, she was so thirsty that she demanded for the “ikivuguto” instead of water, with which to quench her thirst. Don’t ask me anything about that because I may not be in position to substantiate these statements. Cutting the long story short, the bloke who caused someone to drink ikivuguto happened to come to our workplace and someone hinted to Hitler that, this was the bloke whose actions led to a lady being named Ikivuguto; trust me, Hitler walked up to the bloke and looked him over and over. The bloke was not accustomed to such stares and he was forced to ask Hitler as to why he was looking at him like that! Hitler was momentarily woken up from his stupor and he had to rush off as the bloke was nearly four times his own size. Here we were going to travel with such a guy. I suppose, such interrogative stares of his are the reason he was called “Maneko” (spy) rather than being an actual spy! As they say, “If he finds you shitting by the roadside, better sit in the shit” or else he would broadcast the episode. Ahamed Karzai, kind as he was, accepted that we take Hitler along with us. As you can imagine, the trio had half healing devices, these were bound to give off some not so pleasant odours. It is understandable if it was only the trio to endure this obstacle. Now, here was a third party and a rumour monger for that. How were we going to conceal our secret from him? As the hours became long, in the confines of such a small car, we began to sweat and so were the “newly sharpened gadgets”, as a result of perspiration, there was a “funny” odour or is it odours being let off. The trio knew the cause and we were comfortable with our predicament save for Hitler’s numerous complaints that, someone among us must have eaten rotten pork at Carwash and was farting! Far from it, God forbid, the trio can never touch that “un clean” animal and all its products, Alahu Akbar! Mfashumwana@fastmail.fm