Raising children with love, respect, and discipline has been recommended by officials at the National Child Development Agency (NCDA) as a key way to reduce the risk of violence and discrimination in families and society. During the launch of the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence (GBV) on Monday, November 25, Gilbert Munyemana, NCDA’s Deputy Director General, pointed at the role of positive parenting for GBV-free families, noting that it is essential for nurturing mental health, emotional well-being, and decision-making skills in children. “It lays the foundation for a confident, disciplined, and independent generation. By creating a safe, supportive environment, free from all forms of violence, positive parenting helps children reach their full potential,” he said. Recognising that some parents may, unfortunately, feel inclined to raise their children the way they were raised, he highlighted that parents should make an effort to give their children better treatment so that they have better livelihoods. “Our children have the potential to become even better than we were, provided we offer them opportunities and allow them to grow in safe, supportive, and healthy environments. By doing so, we can break the cycle of violence and create a brighter future for the next generation,” he said. ALSO READ: The pervasive reality of gender- based violence in Rwanda, globally Reverien Interayamahanga, a social researcher, speaking at the same event, said it is crucial to prevent the parents’ separation effect from children, because it can have long-lasting negative effects on the children’s emotional and mental well-being. “Over time, cases of parental separation, whether through court decisions or personal disputes, often result in one parent undermining the other by portraying them in a negative light to the child. This can lead to significant emotional confusion and distress for the child, who may begin to view the other parent in an unfavourable light or even feel abandoned,” he said. “Such circumstances can create deep emotional scars, where children either reject the concept of family altogether or grow up feeling unloved by the parent they are distanced from. The psychological impact can lead to feelings of betrayal, resentment, and insecurity, affecting the child's ability to form healthy relationships in the future,” he added. Regardless of the parents’ relationship status, Interayamahanga said, it is essential to create supportive environments where both parents remain involved in their child's life. “Maintaining a positive co-parenting dynamic, we can help children develop a healthy sense of identity and foster a more inclusive, supportive family structure,” he said. Immacule Uwamariya, the Headmistress of Saint Bernard de Kansi, said children who experience family issues often carry the emotional and psychological burden of those situations into school. “The challenges they face at home, whether it is conflict, neglect, or exposure to violence, can deeply affect their mental state and behaviour. This emotional strain can make it difficult for children to concentrate, engage with their studies, or develop healthy relationships with peers,” she said. “As a result, these children may struggle academically, and their performance may suffer, not because of a lack of potential but because the unresolved issues at home are hindering their ability to thrive in a school environment,” she added. ALSO READ: Addressing technology-facilitated gender-based violence in Rwanda The say’s conversations shed light on the four main parenting styles and their effects on children, calling upon parents to use the most effective one. The styles that were highlighted include authoritative parenting which is characterised by high levels of warmth and responsiveness combined with clear, consistent rules and expectations. “This form of parenting enables children with a higher self-esteem and self-discipline, better social skills and emotional regulation, strong academic performance and problem-solving abilities and a sense of security and trust in relationships because children thrive in an environment where they feel heard and supported, yet understanding the boundaries,” said Munyemana. The authoritarian parenting style involves strict rules and high demands, with little warmth or flexibility. Parents expect obedience and may use punishment rather than discussion to enforce rules. “This, on the other hand, lowers self-esteem and increases fear of failure in children, difficulty in social situations and making independent decisions and higher likelihood of anxiety, depression, or rebellion because lack of warmth and overly strict rules can hinder a child’s emotional development and creativity.” Permissive parenting, also highlighted at the event, is a style where parents are warm and nurturing but set few boundaries or rules. They avoid confrontation and may prioritise being their child’s friend over being a disciplinarian. “This may develop strong self-esteem but lack discipline and responsibility, difficulty respecting authority or dealing with frustration and increased risk of behavioural problems and poor academic performance,” said Munyemana. Under the neglectful parenting style, parents are detached and provide little warmth, guidance, or attention. Basic needs may be met, but emotional engagement is lacking. “This causes low self-esteem and difficulty forming healthy relationships, poor academic performance and emotional regulation and increased risk of substance abuse, mental health issues, and delinquency,” he said. “Children in such environments often feel unsupported, leading to insecurity and low self-worth,” he added. The campaign, which will run until December 10, aims to create a safer, more inclusive society through dialogue, community engagements, and policy reviews.
