Be intentional, proactive to spice up your marriage, says life coach

For many couples, the early days of a relationship are filled with excitement, passion, and a strong sense of connection. However, as time goes on, that initial spark can begin to fade, giving way to routine and monotony. ALSO READ: Relationships: How to reignite that spark Experts suggest that couples can reignite intimacy and restore their emotional bond by being intentional and proactive in nurturing their relationship. Jane Mwangi, a life coach and founder of Team Lead Jayn Leadershift, a firm that empowers individuals and organizations to unlock their full potential, said that relationships especially marriages are like gardens. ALSO READ: The essence of love and respect in relationships “You need to cultivate them, water them, and remove the weeds,” she said. Without intentional effort, even the most well-meaning couples may find their relationships growing stale, thus the need for a plan to keep a relationship exciting, she added. “Central to this plan is fostering connection and communication, couples should schedule time to talk about their day, share feelings, and discuss concerns. Deep conversations about goals, dreams, and personal growth also help keep the relationship vibrant,” Mwangi said. Such discussions are especially important as life events can reshape dreams, making it necessary to share and reconnect, she noted. Mwangi explained that quality time is another cornerstone of maintaining the spark, encouraging couples to set aside time for regular date nights, explore new activities, or even plan weekend getaways. “Staycations can also be special. You don’t have to travel; you can create cozy moments at home by watching movies together, cooking, or gardening,” Mwangi noted. She pointed out that physical intimacy plays a critical role, too. Simple gestures like holding hands to thoughtful surprises like love notes or impromptu dinners are important, she noted. The life coach highlighted the importance of making the other person feel valued, by random acts of kindness like breakfast in bed, or surprise gifts, when there is no special occasion, which can go a long way. Adventure also keeps the fire alive, she noted, sharing how her love for road trips with her husband has created cherished memories. “One Christmas, we decided last minute to travel to Rwanda. It was spontaneous, and we had no idea it would later become a place we would settle in. That trip remains unforgettable,” she recalled. Mwangi stressed that routine, however, can be a silent relationship killer. She warns against falling into predictable patterns, which can make life and relationships feel mechanical. “When monotony sets in, you need to shake things up. Whether it’s learning a new language together, trying a craft, or simply taking evening walks, shared activities help couples reconnect.” Mwangi reflected on her marriage of 23 years, noting that monotony is inevitable at times, especially during busy seasons such as raising young children. “Those years can be emotionally draining, and if you’re not intentional, the connection can weaken,” she said. To combat this, she recommends taking breaks as a couple, even if it means arranging childcare to enjoy uninterrupted time together. Mwangi emphasized that nurturing a relationship requires intentional effort over time. To stay connected, she and her husband hold regular “business meetings” to assess and strengthen their relationship. “We discuss everything, from our roles as spouses to our relationships with others, our parenting approach, and even our spiritual lives. These meetings, coupled with daily prayer sessions, help us stay aligned and resolve conflicts quickly.” Mwangi warns that a lack of communication can lead to emotional distance, leaving couples feeling like strangers. When communication breaks down, she observed, an individual starts seeking solace elsewhere. She recommends open conversations to help couples reconnect and keep the relationship alive. Sustaining a long-term relationship requires consistency and effort. It is a constant investment. “It’s not something you do once and think you have solved all the problems. You have to sit down, reevaluate, and adjust regularly.” Damien Mouzoun, a family counsellor and chief executive of Ayina Think Tank, a research-based counseling center in Kigali, emphasized the importance of building a strong foundation in relationships. He said, “Like in construction, foundations determine the durability of a marriage. “Without mutual love, patience, kindness, justice, humility, and loyalty, a marriage won’t last.” One of the most common mistakes couples make, Mouzoun noted, is believing that the effort to nurture a relationship ends with the wedding. “No matter how good the seed is, it still needs to be nourished and watered. Good communication, affinity, and companionship are the cornerstones of a healthy marriage.”

Lifestyle

Be intentional, proactive to spice up your marriage, says life coach