Dear Aunt Silvia,I am a married woman and a mother of five children. My husband loves his family very much but has a weakness for women. Some few months ago my sister brought us a new house help and everyone commented on how beautiful she looked. I employed her immediately because I am always away on business trips and I needed someone to stay with the children. However, I was worried that the moment my husband set his eyes on her he was bound to lure her into some relationship. The girl is very good at what she does; she knows how to cook and is very clean, but of late I have been told that my husband is more inclined to be in the house all the time not like before. Does it mean he has taken a liking for the house help or he is just trying to be good? Please, help me I want to get rid of the house help before it’s too late.Grace. Dear Grace,In any marriage, what could be done to stop extra-marital affairs? The first question here is why have an affair? Obviously something is wrong with the relationship and a partner is not getting what they want from the other. They think that they will get it from somebody else. That is the primary reason of an affair unless the personality of a partner is such that he is always in search for a new partner after some time. If your partner is not that kind, then look for the loop holes that you are calling a weakness so that you can make your marriage resistant to any outsider.I know that trying to deal with a spouse’s weakness can be very difficult. Many at time women consider a house help a lesser woman than the rest. But to a man, she has all the essential facilities he requires; therefore, he appreciates her as another woman. To men, titles like maid, security guard, secretary, tea girl and cleaner are details. What matters most is that she has all the resources to engage a craving and needy man at any level.You have to understand that leaving a man behind alone in the hands of a maid is not such a good idea. He can try to be a good person one to five days but a week or month later will always lead to a state of emergency- and guess what? There is a ready rose in the house in the name of a house help who is willing to help her boss in times of “need”. Believe you me once that game starts breaking it becomes very difficult, sometimes leading to separations and divorces.My dear if you have to travel frequently find a trusted member of your family or his to take care of them while you are away, you do not dangle an apple to a horse then cry when it takes a bite because really horses eat apples or accept that sometimes outsourcing is a viable option when service providers are incapacitated. Sometimes men help themselves to the goodies to occupy an existing empty space, so seek to fill it first before he starts seeking alternatives. Ends
