WOMAN 2 WOMAN: Tips for new dads

After a series of articles about women, let’s talk about the men..... Last week a male friend of mine called me to “break” the good news about his wife giving birth to their first born. While he sounded so excited about his new baby boy (Ashton), he complained that he had spent sleepless nights ever since the baby was born. “The baby has kept the whole family awake for the last week. He normally wakes up in the middle of the night and starts crying. If he is not crying, he is just awake and somebody has to stay awake to give him company,” my friend Tom confided in me. “Since the mother takes care of the baby the whole day while I am at work, I take the night shifts to help her. But it is tricky especially since I have to wake up early in the morning to go to work,” he said. Well, Tom’s story is shared by a good number of men especially first time fathers. And as a matter of fact, as a father, a situation is going to arise when you will be left alone with the baby. New dads are seemingly left in the dark when it comes to new babies and postpartum moms. Below are general tips on how to handle babies; Remember that babies are not really breakable. Do not be afraid to hold yours! Ask someone who is around to show you some great holds for little ones whether it is a midwife, doctor, nurse, mom, relative or a friend. It is common for some men to feel isolated or abandoned after a new baby is born. If you are feeling left out talk to your partner about it because chances are it is not on purpose. The fact is newly born babies come demand attention almost 24 hours a day for 7 days. On the other hand it is important to know that new moms often have emotional ups and downs that are not predictable. Be supportive and offer an ear when possible. Learn the warning signs of postpartum depression and seek help if the situation is heading out of control. Support her with breastfeeding. Tell her that you are proud of her and protect her from well meaning but negative comments about breastfeeding. You can also read about breastfeeding on the Internet to equip yourself with more information. Help with the other children or household. Remind mom to let the house go and to focus on her recovery and the new baby.New dads can also experience the blues or postpartum depression. Much in your life has changed and it is important to realize this and get help if you need it as well. Remember that the only thing you cannot do is breastfeed. You can change diapers, soothe a crying baby, carry the baby, and play with the baby, anything the baby needs done. If you need help ask for it. Know who to call in your area for help and support whether it be a doctor or midwife or the local babysitter. The new mom is going to need extra sleep and care while her body recovers. Get up with the baby when you can. Bring the baby to her in the middle of the night if possible. If you must go back to work check in with her during the day. Perhaps surprise her with some healthy takeout food or fresh flowers. Remember that adding a new baby to the mix is always going to stir your life up a bit, even if it is not your first baby. Learning to live with another human being takes time. Give yourself a break if you need it as well. ubernie@gmail.com