Love them but not their egos

Have you noticed how men and women blessed with “good looks” think that the only reason anyone could ever - ever love them (or hate them) is because of their good looks? If you say or do anything they don’t like -- even something unrelated to their looks - it’s because you’re jealous; envious and resent them for possessing something you want but don’t have. If you open your heart to them and try to love them even when everybody else won’t, they say it’s because of their good looks. If you feel you’ve had enough of “it” and end the relationship, they say it’s because you feel threatened by their good looks. Of course “geniuses” say the same about their “brains”, rich people say that about their money, successful people say the same things about their success, and everybody else says whatever about whatever it is they feel makes them a cut above the rest. But what makes some people think that they are “better” than others; makes them act like they own the world; and makes them feel like every thing they say or do is right? Some would call it a superiority complex. The definition of superiority complex is “an exaggerated opinion of oneself”. My belief is that these people have serious Issues! So they have issues, but how do you deal -- on a day to day basis -- with that irritating and really annoying pretentious, self-righteous, egotistic or snobby relative, friend, co-worker, partner or new man or woman you just met and want to get to know? One approach is to roll your eyes, show them the palm of your hand and say, “Puuu-lease!” Then ignore, avoid or totally cut them off from your life. This one is probably the easiest of the three ways of dealing with these types of people. But that doesn’t help if you are in daily contact with this person -- or even like and love the person. That’s lots and lots of eye rolling, palm showing and ease-pulling! The other approach is to unmercifully hit them about their weaknesses, painful past and reduce them to nothing. That’ll bring them back down to earth. And when the tears start rolling down his or her face, gleefully rub your hands. Mission accomplished! But there is a problem here too. This won’t do you any good. Some of these people are so deluded that they’ll just think you’re jealous and envious -- and yes, have an inferiority complex. Even worse, most of these “superior” individuals have become such experts at putting others down, that they’ll hit you back so hard that you might find yourself not just down on earth but trying to dig a hole in the ground -- with your teeth. Trust me, I’ve been there. The best approach for dealing with someone who thinks and acts like he or she is better than everybody else is come to terms with the fact that you are dealing with an oversized ego that is out-of-control. The only thing that you can change is your reaction. Look the person in the eye and when that oversized ego starts going out of control, respond with a slow nod, look them hard in the eye, slightly narrow your eyes and then slowly shake your head from side to side. A direct steady look that says “I see you for who you really are, and I honestly feel sorry for you. Challenge the person’s “pedestal” position and not their person. People with inflated egos are usually so full of themselves that they don’t think anyone could possibly challenge them. When you disagree or challenge them they get pissed off with you. Don’t get sucked into confronting ego with ego remember theirs is oversized and out of control, you have no chance of winning here. Instead of striking back at the person, confront the concept or perception they represent to you. The whole point is not to go for the throat or try to embarrass them or demonize them but to highlight the flaws in their thinking or attitudes, or gap in their knowledge or competence. Puffed up egos as you now know are not about a healthy dose of confidence, self-worth or self esteem, but rather about insecurity, delusion, pain or fear. To counter these unhealthy tendencies from a place of strength and healthy ego, take a no-nonsense direct communication approach. A gentle but firm rebuke as difficult as it is and as unacceptable as it is in “polite society” is actually a loving gesture. We all have egos, and as a consequence we all have the potential to act with a superiority complex once in a while. I hope that you’ll love me enough to do something my ego gets out of control. Ends