I recently saw a new way of burial. Instead of lowering the casket 6 feet below the surface, it is elevated into a wall-like enclosed storage. I guess it had to do with water levels in that area, or something. What a great way to put a loved one to rest, I thought to myself! Nothing is as heart-wrenching as lowering one you love into a grave. Even worse, for me, four years ago, I had to listen in over the phone as the procession led towards the grave to lay my big sister and friend, Queen, to rest. Due to Covid-19, airports were on break, but also, at the time Rwandans had been warned against travelling to Uganda for their own safety. I remember sitting on the cold benches with my sister while it rained outside. I had a hoodie over my head. It was cold – so cold, because of the rain, but also because death comes with a lingering cold. We were paralyzed with pain. Tears uncontrollably flowed as we listened in over the phone to what was taking place. My brother had put his phone on the loudspeaker at the funeral so that we could somehow participate in what was going on. I have never been more heartbroken all my life. My sister was a cheerleader. A friend in all seasons. One who supported our small successes – yet she will never know how well life turned out for us. How God answered her many prayers and has changed things. She will never meet my wonderful Christian husband and sweet daughter. Sometimes I think about it and get so saddened because they missed out on her love, for she was one who loved deeply. What about when people ask how many siblings we have? Do we inconveniently leave out those who left? Or do we simply state the full number, and let our hearts grieve a little in the moment? It's been four years, and it doesn’t seem to get any better. Death is a weird thing. Many things in life don’t come with a manual, but we eventually figure them out. Not death. When it strikes, there is no warning. It leaves us with so many unanswered questions, anger, depression, survivor’s guilt, and endless grief. And if God does not come through for us, it is very likely that we may miss the other beautiful things in life because of the bitterness that grief comes with. We become unpleasant people to be around. We get triggered by the smallest things. We spend a large amount of time in regret – and get stuck in “if onlys.” We cry a lot on our special days because even though we’re so happy, we can’t stand the thought that those who loved us the most aren’t present. Grief can cripple you. Change your attitude, your personality. So, we all need coping mechanisms. For many of us, it’s renewed faith in God. Understanding that He most likely knows what he is doing and can heal us from all pain so that we can begin to enjoy life’s brighter days. For some, it’s meditation, grief counselling, or surrounding themselves with loving communities. Even though we learn to live around the loss, we must find our strategy to deal with grief. Because if we don’t, how shall we help the little generation that looks up to us to deal with the curse of grief? The author is a creative and freelance writer.
