Bird hunter reloaded: Bird Hunter goes ‘Nursing’

No, it’s not what you are thinking! I have not quit bird hunting to go join the noble profession of looking after the sick as started by Nightingale. I am a professional bird hunter and my profession will remain that. Actually the other day when I was filling forms at migration, I wrote ‘bird hunter’ where they ask “profession.” The officer behind the desk looked at me as if to ask what in the devil’s bag this profession is. Well, he decided to keep it to himself and went ahead and signed my Laisse Passe (LP) and let me proceed in peace just as he earned his peace for not inquiring much. I think the reason he decided not to ask is partly because when he looked at me, he saw a very confident man who didn’t look like he would fail to exactly know what his profession was. But I was not as lucky when I crossed the border and went to face migration officers on the other side (now don’t you also start being funny, don’t start inquiring about where the hell I was headed, which country…blah, blah...if the NSS guy did not ask, who the hell are you to ask me? J ust read on...thank you) of the border. When I handed over the form and my LP (I wish it was possible to abbreviate the document too, it is too big for a travel document) for signing, the guy stared at me shyly making me start to feel agitated. Here was the guy holding my LP in his hand, he wasn’t signing the bloody thing and neither was he shoving it back into my hands and telling me to correct where I had not filled well on the form. I was feeling agitated partly because a long line was growing behind me but mainly because right behind was a very nice bird which I had started surveying from the beginning of the journey and I had started hatching plans. At this juncture I did not want her to catch me using this big purple document because this can make you lose lots of marks, you know. Never allow yourself pass as a karangazi during bird hunting. You are bound to lose out big time. That’s one free tip. Take note of it. Finally, the migration officer who looked constipated opened his mouth, giving away an embarrassed smile and asked me whether I was a scientist of some sort. I searched my mind quickly for what he would have liked to mean and I concluded that he thought bird hunter means I am a researcher in matters to do with birds. Since I realized it was not the right time to give bird hunting lessons, especially not with him dangling the huge travelling document for all to see, I let him be and answered that I was indeed a scientist doing research on birds. He stamped the ‘mukeka’ (mat) and handed it back to me with a smile and a wish for a safe journey. I saluted him and wriggled through the people lining up as quickly as I could, hoping that the bird had not noticed the type of travel document the ‘scientist’ was using. Now back to ‘Nursing,’ a friend of mine recently visited the US of A and when he was about to come back, when we were chatting, he asked me what I wanted him to bring me from there, but not before cautioning me that my wish list should put into consideration the prevailing economic situation in the world. Since I duly understood what he meant and considering that I knew him so well not expect him too much from him, I told him to bring me an ipod, whatever type. Actually I should say that I was surprised when he brought the ipod, never mind that it was the cheapest on the market. All the same I thanked him. But one song on the ipod was of more value than the ipod itself because it gave me so much inspiration that since the time I went to the airport to receive my friend I have never removed the earphones from my ears, except when I am with a bird and I don’t want to be accused of robbery- robbery of attention, that is. Well, the song is actually an oldie reggae hit by Gregory Isaacs, which I am told topped charts for a long time. The song is none other than ‘Night Nurse.’ You should listen to this song. That is when you will know what I am talking about. By listening over and again, I am left with no doubt that Greg was a great bird hunter during his time. The song goes like…… “tell her it’s a case of emergency…there is a patient in the name of Gregory…tell her to make it quick,…she is the one, the only remedy…” now if this isn’t the work of a genius, then there are no geniuses in the world. Since I think this guy is a genius and should be my inspiration, I have decided to go hunt in a forest where I have never ventured before. I am going to look for a nurse…I will not give a hoot whether she is a night or a day nurse, I want a nurse……. I have already embarked on my research and the information I have so far is that these birds are unique in the way that they handle the hunter as if they were handling a patient-delicately and passionately! I can’t wait to catch one…. Ends