Have you ever met someone and everything seems too good to be true? For example, a guy pursues you, lays out his intentions, and before you know it, in just a week you are falling for him. You eventually go on numerous dates and he even hands you keys to his house. You get excited, a thought lingering in your mind that he ‘trusts you.’ In two weeks, you’re already head over heels and sleeping over, it may seem fun, or answered prayers, but rushing in a relationship may actually ruin it. Not all relationships that have moved so fast ended up in tears or separation, but there is a high possibility, as you may be blinded by emotions, and lost in the moment. Experts say that sometimes couples live in fantasies and skip the simple things, but get over themselves by discussing their future, for example, how and when they will get married, where they will stay, the number of kids they will have and so forth. Such serious conversations can’t be held in just a month or less of knowing someone, as a relationship deserves time to grow naturally. For Elizabeth Kayitesi, a lawyer and businesswoman, some people can’t see reality, as they are concealed in simple acts of kindness and may end up in a trap of giving out so much, too soon. She explains that if you just met someone but you feel the need to cancel programs, or stretch beyond your limits to be with them, then you need to think twice, it may not be real. “You need to question yourself when you accept to date them so fast, there are already red flags if within a month, they are discussing a marriage proposal and perhaps given you a ring to define what you both have or they have introduced you to almost everyone that matters to them, like, their parents, relatives, best friends, mentors and so forth. “Its quite early to meet their family, yet at that point it would be advisable to work on building the connections between both of you and allow yourselves to understand each other without pressure of anything or from anyone,” she states. Kayitesi adds that trust is built, you can’t open up so much to someone you have just met or believe in them a hundred percent as people can camouflage and just show you who they wish you to see. She adds that you ought to know how these people react when they are angry, do they raise their voices and throw things at you? Do they know how to keep secrets? Do they sacrifice to make you happy or everything is about them? Do they apologise when in wrong? Do they make you feel special? Do their values align with yours? Do they support your dream? Can you hold intellectual conversations with them? Are they kind to other people? Kayitesi believes that a relationship needs to be tested more than romance and physical attraction, a thing that takes time. According to Innocent Kabera, a family counselor, there is a misconception that there is a perfect partner out there, that if you meet them, you will just know it and that your hearts will connect automatically. Yet we fail to understand that humans are the producers of relationships. He adds that its not about meeting your Prince Charming or queen, but it takes hard work to create a relationship and getting to know if the person is right for you. “There is this famous saying that ‘enjoyment is in the process.’ We have seen many celebrities who have tied the knot, but just a few months later, they break up. This is because it was too fast and didn’t allow both partners to know each other thoroughly, both their flaws and strengths, and so forth,” he states. He carries on that not understanding your partner leaves you in a state of not knowing what to expect or what behavior to tolerate. It’s later that you realise that you chose or settled with a toxic or ill-mannered person, and all the unbearable behaviour starts to unveil. When you move too fast, you don’t get the time to express your real identity because you are blinded by the rush, or just the good gestures about the other person. You are focused on the idea of romance, instead of the moment. And when you finally break up, you are likely not to pursue another person because you will obviously be disappointed, he adds. The family counselor stresses that rushing into a relationship is a major problem to avoid as partners need to allow themselves to pass through all stages of love, or romance, and make a decision of whether to take their love to the next step or not. That way, people don’t waste each others time.
