We have not slept ever since my Dearest Datiliva heard that she will be part of a delegation to Singapore for a study tour. First she wanted to know the location of Singapore on this planet called earth. I told her the country of Singapore borders the Republic of Suriname and Poland, the place experiences winter three quarters of the year, people need sledges drawn by dogs to travel from one place to the other on snow, people drink potent gin to keep their temperature bearable, eat frozen seal meat and most of the time people live in Igloos because trying to walk on the frozen land causes accidents as one person slides on snow and knocks the person ahead of him/her who knocks the next person and the chain continues and next all people are struggling up from the accident so walking is forbidden. She seemed disappointed until she remembered that she had an Atlas which she quickly consulted and discovered that Singapore was after all a city state not far from the equator in Asia and did not experience severe winter and then chastened me for my bluffing. I teased that she might fly by Cathy Pacific but she protested that she was not sure she wanted to be flown by a woman pilot to which I replied that she was stereotyped telling her the story of an infamous brainless Black Kenyan who flew from Nairobi to London and was astounded that the plane had been flown by a black African pilot. She said three days prior to her flying she will not eat for she had heard that people flying for the first throw up and did not want to become a laughing stock. I asked Datiliva what she exactly was going to do in Singapore and she did not know. She said she will do what she will be told but as an afterthought she said she was going to learn from Singaporeans on how they developed their country. I told her she did not need to go to Singapore to do that. I told her that our leaders are the only people who can do just as the leaders in Singapore led by Lee Kwan Yew did. She asked me whether I doubted Rwanda’s leaderships’ commitment to the development of their country. I said I think they want to but being a collective leadership more commitment may be needed to make the “big push”. I told Datiliva that in the sixties and seventies when African Presidents went to conferences with all their huge entourages, they diverted wet-leased Boeings 737s from their National commercial airlines, cancelling commercial flights and parked the whole thing at the airports of hosting nations and the entire attendant costs, H.E. Mr. Yew would fly commercial to all conferences and summits. She said that Rwandans have already done that by removing the Government fleet which was a burden to the government coffers. “What else can the Government do”, she asked. I said it will make a lot of difference if the government put a ceiling on the engine capacity of vehicles its cadres can use on its duties such that all of them must use vehicles below the 2000 cc mark and must use a logbook to show every mileage covered and the reason for the journey if they are to be facilitated. Can you imagine the impact on the government fuel bill if all officials used ‘Corolla Gikumi?’ “The Government could establish a central government fuel depot where all government employees will take their Ordre de Mission, calculate the distance and consumption per area covered and get fuel that corresponds to the mileage to be covered when they go for official duties outside their normal place of work in lieu of the lump sum and the savings could be channelled into retraining of persons whose skills will no longer be required in future such as Drivers, Secretaries, Directors and Directors General.” I said “And all telephone calls on government work will be routed through a central switchboard at RITA which will register the caller, destination and duration so money spent on communication can be verified and audited instead of the one hundred thousands being used for sweet talking second wives and concubines”. “No one will want to be a politician and how will the country be governed without politicians?” asked my Dearest. I promised, with her permission, to write to Mr. Sena Gerald of Nyirangama-Urwibutso so that next time he goes abroad on business missions he can, if it pleases him, take along Dearest instead of her going to Singapore. She looked at me not unlike a mother looking at a five year old who has furted or belched loudly at the dinner table. “Why would I need to go abroad with Mr. Sena?” she asked. “When Mr. Sena goes abroad he goes for business but those PhDs and honourables go to Singapore and countries for tours and then they come back to claim for more per diem and allowances” I said. “When Mr. Sena goes to foreign lands he comes back with machines that squeeze red pepper into Akabanga which is taxed to fund more tours for the honourables and if he accepted, you would go and come along with a machine that squeezes wild black berries into some refreshing drink so we would pay taxes and as the Bible says blessed is the hand that gives (pays taxes) you see it is those who have that pay taxes and more is added to them” I said. After mentioning the Bible Datiliva looked at me and for a moment I thought that she mistook me for her Pastor but after sometime she hugged me and said that at times she wonders why it took her long to say she loved me because she did, which sent ego to the moon with pride. But again that very day she changed her mind and said she will go to Singapore just like other people do just to tour and see the other cultures, sit in a plane and see all the strange things. She assured me the study tour does not mean as much as the allowance and the excitement of touring which I concurred made more sense. That might explain why we have not slept well at all in a long time. E-mail: ekaba2002@yahoo.com
