Relationships: Relationships are user defined

After a long battle, I think it’s time we all threw in our towels and accepted the relationship diversity that is now at hand. Obviously, there are traditional values that will always be here to guide our relationships but the evolution will keep on opening us up to new relationship possibilities we once thought strange. I, like many other people, enjoy the joy that comes with Facebook but by just going through people’s profiles, I am amazed by the new upcoming relationship definitions. Well, not long go a friend of mine changed her relationship status from “single” to “In an open relationship” and not even after hours of discussion did I quite understand her now relationship predicament. See, don’t get me wrong, I know that relationships are and always will be user defined. Relationship boundaries are diverse and this is what makes us all different. It would be wrong to confine everyone in your own view of what is right or wrong hence my desire to unravel the theory behind this so called “Open relationship” Sharon Kibira and her boyfriend Kevin (not Odoobo) are in an open relationship and according to her, that’s the best arrangement for them. She says, “Every relationship is different, boundaries are different. I don’t think that physical exclusivity is a must in every other relationship. You can be open to new people when you are still dating.” Relationships are definitely defined according to what the two people involved term as right for them according to their social grounding. Martin Musamali believes in relationship exclusivity. He says that if you are in a relationship with someone, they need to know what you expect from them. “The two of you only should decide what is right for the relationship. Agree on how far you are willing to take the relationship and what both parties are expected to do or not do,” he says. I think the foundation of a relationship is communication. Being in a relationship means that you share your inner-most thoughts and feelings. Essentially, he/she should be able to do the same with you. During the initial stages of every relationship, the terms that pertain to that specific relationship should be discussed. There are so many relationship tags that have developed over time and are all associated with different definitions. People get in relationships for different reasons and this is why the approach is always people specific. Some people prefer periodic emotional free relationships. Others are in it for the long term reasons. For this reason, no relationship can be like any other. For a relationship to prosper for the intended period of time, both partners need to be in the same wave length. They need to understand why they are both in the relationship and the expected results. According to research, relationship definitions are not shared by everyone. There should be no blanket approach to any relationship because they are all different. Some things in relationships are universal but the approach to them is not as commonly shared as we would like to think or imagine. It is good to take advice but don’t be surprised if what seems to work so well for another couple falls flat when you apply on your own relationship. Some people might never understand why you are dating a specific person or why you chose them but you know that reason. You might find that your open relationship is fulfilling for you but your friends are appalled by it. At the end of the day, it is what makes you happy that should outweigh any other person’s thoughts to it. Let your relationship be defined by what you and your mate consider right and good for both of you. Now, with all of that being said, there is no normal relationship. Diversity is an aspect of relationships that we might never really wipe out. It would be wrong and overly boring to even try to. Email pgathoni@gmail.com