Forgiveness; a choice not a command

In life almost everyone gets involved in conflicts, Bishop Desmond Tutu believes that it takes a strong person to forgive or apologize. Life can go forward, moving beyond hurt and resentment, when one party is willing to apologize and the other to forgive. Then a new life comes in meaning living in harmony with almost everyone in society or family. Recently Mr. Theodore Simburudari, President of IBUKA, the umbrella association of Genocide survivors disagreed with Jean Paul Samputu a singer, songwriter, and musician on forgiveness. It was like that the way he interpreted that Sampuntu compels Genocide survivors to forgive. My brother what I want to shade light on is that you can’t force anyone to forgive, it’s just a matter of making a choice in life and many theologians and scientists have proved that when someone lets go of the past, they happen to live a free healthier life. According to Robert Muller, forgiving is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness. Forgiving can be really difficult. Why? Letting go is not something we are taught. In the current contemporary world there is the cliché that one who is “right” acquires the best grades, sexiest spouse, luxurious home, most money, glamorous lifestyle, attention and celebrity. Being right about a point of view is even worth fighting for. Studies have revealed less incidence of physical illness in those people who were more forgiving. Specifically, people who were deeply hurt by a parent, friend, or romantic partner and forgave the betrayal, had better blood pressure, healthy muscle tension, better immune response, and improved cardiovascular, muscular, and nervous system functioning than others who had not forgiven. Research has also proved that forgiveness results in less psychological pain, reduced stress, and increases in self-confidence, compassion, quality of life, and hope. Forgiveness is the subsiding and ultimate elimination of feelings of anger, frustration, and resentment towards the individual or individuals who have caused us the pain, followed by a resumption of normal interactions with the individual or individuals concerned. Ultimately, forgiving a person wipes away the active memory of whatever pain or hurt that caused the rift to begin with. I remember talking to different people from different historical backgrounds to those who have gone through hard life and were persecuted by the neighbours who killed their families but today what is amazing is that they are now living a better social life. Forgiveness can be tough and believe me or not any of us would deny this. “When you fail to forgive, it comes back to you. When I forgave my neighbour who killed my family, I no longer fall sick, I got a secret that living a forgiving life gives us a sense of humanity and fulfilling life,” Cecile Mukambabazi, a Genocide survivor in Gisagara District. It’s hard to fathom what transpired during the Genocide. However, Rwandans should make a choice which is going to determine their destiny. Sometimes people feel that if they forgive the offender, they are actually saying that whatever was done to them was “ok” that it “didn’t really matter”. That’s not what forgiveness is! Forgiveness is not about condoning the action or the betrayal, not at all. Forgiveness is not really about the offender at all; rather it is about doing something good for yourself helping you to achieve inner peace. All in all it takes a strong man to take a choice to forgive or else live the other side of life. What happens when you forgive? A space is created for the new life to come in. We cannot change what this or that government did, or did not do; what a loved one said in a moment of anger; our lack of patience towards an elderly parent; the rows that triggered a divorce. I have learnt to receive the blessings and move on and strongly agree with-- Ann Landers who stated that one of the secrets of a long and fruitful life is to forgive everybody everything before you go to bed. Ends