Impressions: Swine Flu Alert: Eat all pigs and anything swine

Ladies and Gentlemen, the solution has finally been found, let’s not allow this HN1N1 (I bet you don’t know what this is but I bet you have heard of Swine Flu) wreck havoc on us anymore. The solution is just one, let’s mercilessly descend on the damn beasts and their close relatives and eat them to their extinction before they finish us all. Doctors and Scientists (Just in case Docs are not Scientists) have confirmed it that Swine influenza (also called Swine flu, Hog flu, pig flu, pork flu, Sausage flu and Bacon flu) cannot be transmitted by eating Pork especially if it is properly cooked. I just can’t understand why our Governments (In Africa) should spend a lot of money on precaution medicine and new antibiotics to stock in stores just in case Swine Flu strikes and before we know it, the epidemic will be gone and Africa will be unscathed as usual and the stock will expire and be subjected to the incinerator. Truth is, in Africa, Flu has never been considered a disease and to be sincere, in my short but colourful life, I have not buried or heard someone who died of Flu in my neighbourhood or other African countries. In fact I can never miss work because I had Flu or I could never use it as an excuse to miss work. I would be ashamed to even tell my Boss that I won’t work because of Flu. Whether Flu or Influenza, whatever you call it, it could actually pass unnoticed, without interrupting your schedule at all, except for those moments you stretch to pick your Hankie, blow into it (some look at it) and slide it back in your pockets. I think that’s why all these Flu’s like Bird Flu, Avian Flu and others which have hit other parts in the World have not succeeded in Africa. I would not blame one of the Mayors in this region when asked about what would be done if Bird Flu (Bird Flew?) struck. This was at the time when Bird Flu was wrecking Havoc in Asia and this well known Kampala Mayor confidently answered “Flu whether Bad or Good, we will treat it when it comes, that’s not a big Poroblem.” He didn’t notice the implication of his response. This is because Flu is not a big problem in Africa. But since we can’t take chances, prevention is better than cure. Let’s do the needful and Yes we can. We could have tolerated Malaria because we could possibly not eat Mosquitoes but we will not tolerate a disease caused by one of the delicacies of our time and especially when it is known that when these carriers are cooked properly they cannot cause anything. (No offence intended to…the non-swine eaters). Am therefore of the view that Government should instead invest in Pork Joints all over the country, rather than spending on expensive Laboratories and Pharmaceuticals. There should be incentives such as no taxes on spices, tomatoes and onions. For every beer bottle or Soda bought, a plate of Pork is offered free. This campaign should last about 3 Months to ensure that no single animal survives. Towards the end of the campaign after domestic ones are finished, we should also storm bushes and hunt warthogs, just not to take chances. On the battle, Generals ask their subordinates that ‘why let your enemy kill you if you could have killed them first?” But in this case I am saying “Why let our enemies kill us if we could have EATEN them first” Food for Thought. Yeah, food in both senses! Ends