WOMAN 2 WOMAN: How to handle single motherhood

Way a small decision. It is a life-altering monumental one, whether you choose to become a mother with or without a partner. For a lot of women today being a single mother is a reality, and one that not many of our mothers had to face. If someone of our mother’s age was a single mother, it was generally due to a death or a scandal, and not a way of life brought on by divorce or choice when the father of the child was deemed unsuitable for a lifelong romantic partnership. There are many women today that have made single motherhood a choice, but there are many more for whom the thought is terrifying. Below are a few ideas for both kinds of single moms’, on how to cope with the logistical problems of single parenthood. Single dads can also use these ideas. Have a reliable support system in place. Working parents especially, have to be able to have someone they can rely on to take the child to the doctor when an emergency crops up, and they cannot have time off work. If family is not an option in this instance, speak to a few friends about making themselves available for this kind of emergency. You will be surprised at the support they can give. If you feel you never have enough time to see your friends, or getting a cheap reliable babysitter is proving impossible, then invite your friends round. Let them sit on a stool, and chat while you get the children’s’ food ready. A cup of tea and a good friend is pretty much all they need to feel at home. For a single mom, I honestly believe you need to have down time. In order to be there for your children who demand so much of your time and space you also need to refuel occasionally. Take an hour, go to the hairdresser, have a massage or grab an hour with a book. Leave the children with someone you trust or try and arrange half a day’s leave from work, but ‘you time’ is vital to your mental and physical well being. Try a child swap. Take other single moms’ children in once a month to give her a break then she can take yours in two weeks’ time. That way responsibility is shared and alone time as well as dating time can be scheduled in to an otherwise impossible timetable. Get the children involved in housework, they also live with you so should help out cleaning up the house or making meals. Try and put some money away each month so that you have enough money with which to either take the children away, or to buy all those extra Christmas or Birthday presents you wanted for yourself or the children last year. The key to being a successful single parent is planning, back up planning and more planning. If you are in a meeting and your son Harry has to go to the doctor, call Fiona (your best friend). If Fiona cannot make it, call your mother or ask any close relative to help you out. Have enough back-up plans ready that you never need to panic. Help out other single parents as much as possible, and they will do the same for you. Remember that the most important thing here is your child. Single parenting is hard work, but could be a lot of fun and immensely rewarding. Nothing should take precedence over your child. Nothing! ubernie@gmail.com