Diaspoman: Why uniforms were introduced at Béa’s Joint

During the mid 90s, Aggrey and I were frequent visitors to a small but stylish bar in the poor section of Kiyovu. This place has since been demolished. But the memories still live on. This is a place that was so vibrant as grown up men flocked over to taste their favourite brew – and of course, ogle at the strikingly beautiful barmaids. In case you have forgotten the name of this bar, let me remind you; it was known as Béa’s Pub! It was at Béa’s Pub that a billboard was erected. The billboard showed a picture of a male client puffing away at his cigarette with a huge bottle of Primus in his hand. Seated on his lap was an elegant looking female specie, whose hair touched her shoulders. Her smile displayed a long set of white teeth which reminded you of dry cassava tubes. Her lips were painted in dark red. I think Béa was trying to send a message to her dear clients. She was trying to invite them to Béa’s joint, where customer service was second to none. In order to drive the message home she put the signpost right in the middle of the road. This was effective but also somehow dangerous. As motorists drove past, their eyes never missed out on the painting of the lady, whose bum pointed backwards ready to sting like the Amavubis at our peaceful stadé. Occasionally as the drivers stretched their necks out to stare at the pictures, minor collisions occurred between these drivers and several pedestrians. Béa ensured that her barmaids were all clad in yellow and black uniforms. She reached this decision after a small problem at her pub had emerged. You see, there was this fellow customer by the names of Mr. Kanzu. He had obtained this name due to his unquenchable love for the ladies. That is why he was named after ladies’ dresses. Whenever Kanzu walked into the bar, Béa would be assured of obtaining super profits. She would ensure that he got a seat nearest to the most charming lady in the room. Thereafter, we would all be prepared to guzzle as much Amstels as our throats would like to accommodate. This was also the best opportunity for Béa to inflate the guy’s bill so that the cash inflow would increase threefold. Well, one day Bwana Kanzu came over to the bar loaded to the brim. Not only was he loaded with some good cash but he also happened to have loaded a real Kigali chick. She had all the features that were portrayed on the billboard. She shared the same kind of behind, same lipstick and of course the same Muhabura like bosom. I guess that is why some regular clients of ours mistook this new chick for a “Béa’s Pub” barmaid! Before Béa could make introductions to her esteemed customers, greedy hands were already stretching out to touch those fixed assets that belonged to the rich and famous client; Kanzu. As we stared in horror, the male customers started touching her legs and backside. Others began to tickle her nape! Mr. Kanzu became so angry and threatened to withdraw his loyalty from Béa. She had to make a public apology on behalf of her patrons. It was then that she vowed to introduce uniforms for her barmaids. diaspoman@yahoo.com