You perhaps met the love of your life, it may or not have been love at first sight, but you enjoyed the fun moments as a couple and many plans lied ahead of you. The relationship could even have transitioned to a marriage proposal, bearing a child or even marriage. However, the once saved special person in your phone is either blocked, or their phone numbers deleted. You departed ways, and when you look back at the lingering old memories, you can’t take it in all by yourself. Heartbreaks are real and are agonising, especially if you were real with someone. Experts explain a heartbreak as a state of devastating emotional loss. I know of a man who made an agreement with a certain poor widow to educate her daughter until she finalised school, in exchange for her hand in marriage. He sacrificed everything in his power to fulfill the promise. Unfortunately, when the young woman joined university, this young woman fell in love with another guy, of her age and status. Having attained her degree, this young woman broke the sad news to the old man that she won’t be his wife since she was in love with someone else and asked him to note down all the amount of money spent on her, to pay it back. The old man’s heart was left in pieces. Heartbreaks are emotional shocks and everyone reacts differently to them, they create anger, pain, and grief and leave you in a state of denial, depression and self-doubt. You have probably heard or seen people who resort to suicide, than living without their partners. But what do you do in that state of confusion and pain? Irene Gakumba, a family counselor notes that sometimes a heartbreak happens after observing diverse red flags in a relationship, but regardless, the pain may be too much to bear even when the couple has been experiencing troubles. She says that don’t deny yourself a chance to grieve, allow yourself to release the emotions, cry if it will make you feel better. Medical News Today states that shedding emotional tears releases oxytocin and endorphins, the chemicals that make people feel good and may also ease both physical and emotional pain. In this way, crying can help reduce pain and promote a sense of well-being and may help lift people’s spirits and make them feel better. Gakumba carries on that what hurts most is failure to accept that the relationship has ended and instead force yourself to believe that you can fix things even when you can’t, and wont. She also says that knowing that you gave the relationship your whole effort , and tried your best to fix it but didn’t go as planned, is already a good enough sign not to blame yourself or assume that your partner may think twice and mend things. ‘You may be in denial for some time, but eventually, you need to move on.’ She also adds that for whatever reason that the relationship botched, for instance; cheating, disrespect, mistrust and worse, find it in your heart to forgive, as it will set you free, forgive your ex-partner, and also yourself for all the blames you took for not fighting for the relationship harder. Forgiveness will set you free from pain. “Try to avoid regrets, maybe it wasn’t meant to be, or probably better things are coming your way and decide to embark on a journey of positivity and believing in yourself,” Gakumba states. She also adds that it is important to avoid posting negative messages on social media just to anger or communicate a message to your ex-partner, because in reality, that’s a sign of bitterness. If possible, the family counselor urges cutting off connections with your former partner, if it needs deleting their numbers or blocking them, do so. She states that avoid being idle, but rather keep yourself occupied, by taking part in fun activities, fellowships, swimming, or take on a new hobby. Experts advise opening up to someone you trust about your pain, and seek counseling if the pain persists or worsens. Alternatively, they recommend that you stop questioning yourself and focus on building self-esteem.
