You have probably decided to start eating healthy, but actually stand in your way since you insist on eating junk food. Or perhaps you fear failing but then decide to read for exams always at the last minute yet you know that it’s hard to grasp everything at once. Self-sabotage is basically you standing in your way regardless of how much you want to succeed. Experts define self-sabotage as when one destroys themselves physically, mentally, or emotionally or deliberately hinder your own success and wellbeing by undermining personal goals and values. Alternatively, sabotage is a pattern of thoughts and behaviors you engage in, often without even knowing it that creates obstacles to achieving your goals. You can either know or not know when you self-sabotage, sometimes it starts from childhood when the environment you grew up in demotivated you that you could never amount to anything. It can also be a relationship that lowered your self-esteem that your ex-partner highlighted your weaknesses and even said that dating you was the biggest mistake. Because of their negative behavior, you even fear giving love a chance for fear of giving a chance to other people to disrespect you, discover your weaknesses, or even get hurt. Children who grew up from broken marriages, for example, whose fathers mistreated their mothers that they ended up leaving home, then landed in other worse relationships or marriages, have a higher risk of fear for marriage. This is because they think they will fail just like their parents. Iryn Kirabo, a media personality, says that she, like many people, has self-sabotaged. She recalls after completing university and was eager to join the working world, but every time she thought of applying for jobs, she pushed it to the next day. For her, procrastination hindered her to be the career woman she yearned to be for some years as she was worried about the unknown, such as a toxic work environment, bad bosses, low pay and so forth. “It’s up to when I realised that some of my friends we studied with were way better than me, they didn’t fear taking risks, it’s then that I knew I had stopped myself from taking chances, I applied to some companies, and luckily scooped a job. I wouldn’t lie that fear disappeared immediately, because I kept questioning whether I was the best fit for my position and didn’t want to let my boss down,” she stresses. For her, self-sabotage can even be at work or relationships when one party always looks for someone to blame for mistakes. ‘You walk away even when you could have contributed to avoiding the problem, or accessing how you could have played part in the problem—giving up so soon hinders you a chance to learn and grow from the experience.’ Experts say that peer influence or social factors also influenced procrastination. A recent study was conducted on student procrastination in academic environments, and scientists found one common factor in procrastination involved a lack of self-regulation. This is due to students having a large degree of freedom, temptations and distractions, and long deadlines. According to Psych Central, a mental health information platform, self-sabotaging behavior looks different for everyone. It largely depends on context. Signs you may relate to are, procrastination, avoiding responsibilities, even if it’s because you forget, breaking promises or not following through on commitments, lack of preparation, misalignment between your desires and actions, showing up late to important appointments or meetings, substance use, and giving up when things get more difficult. Healthline states that self-sabotaging behaviors can also develop from your need to control a situation. When you’re in control, you might feel safe, strong, and ready to face anything that comes your way. Some types of self-sabotage provide this sense of control. What you’re doing may not be great for your mental health or relationships, but it helps you stay in control when you feel vulnerable. Kirabo states that overcoming self-sabotage starts by examining the root cause of your behavior and helps to look at areas of life where things seem to regularly go wrong. Know what makes you act the way you do, and embrace failure and learn from it, because even the most successful people have failed quite so many times, there is nothing wrong with failing. She also advises getting someone you trust so as to open up about your self-sabotaging pattern, that way, you can learn to move past it, as well as not shying away from taking professional support where necessary.
