When you meet someone your heart longs for, it’s hard to imagine they will ever change the way they treat you. They respect you, communicate easily, trust you, make efforts to make you happy, feel safe around them, listen attentively, and mostly importantly, respect you. But to your surprise, all hell breaks loose after sometime when you notice that your significant other is slowly turning into a stranger. The moment you start questioning if they love or respect you anymore, is even sign enough that they are growing distant. Let’s take a scenario where you’re not a priority anymore—every time you plan something together with your partner, they give excuses to cancel, or put other people or activities before you. You can tell when your place in someone’s life isn’t vital anymore. Carol Kayitesi, an accountant by profession, says that there is nothing as heartbreaking when the person who once communicated the most, communicates the least, and when they do, it’s just for the sake. “Imagine you woke up to their ‘good morning’ messages among other sweet texts throughout the day, and they were the last you talked to before you retired to bed, however, they became busy. They claim to be busy with work, and life. They respond to your messages after a day or two, yet they’re with their phones. Sometimes you even see them online but wonder who they’re chatting with,” she states. Kayitesi stresses that if your partner doesn’t include you in their plans anymore, or asks for your advice about something, like they did before, it's pretty obvious that love is fading. She also notes that if you no longer talk much about your feelings for each other, shared values, interests or priorities, or when a problem arises but your partner walks away without bothering to seek a solution, there is already a problem there. “If you bring conversations, your partner doesn’t engage that much, their responses are just plain, they don’t ask questions even when it’s necessary, they become absent minded when you’re with them or get distracted by other things like TV or phones instead of offering you full attention,” Kayitesi adds. She also notes that if one person puts in the effort to talk, meet, make plans, apologise while in wrong, but the other party isn’t, it becomes boring. Kayitesi further notes that sometimes such partners become argumentative, they pick fights over small things, that it even becomes disrespectful. They know they aren’t treating you well, but aren’t doing anything to change, and don’t even care about the consequences of their behavior. Experts emphasise that you can tell that your relationship is growing distant if you don’t feel like you have their support in your professional or personal life. You don’t feel like you could turn to them if you were in a bind and needed help. Also, such people can let you down, they bail on dates, cancel plans last minute – and often, don’t even care to rearrange. They always have excuses instead of apologies. Additionally, they become less affectionate, their feelings about you start changing. The solution According to Sky Dennis, a Human Resource expert, what has helped his relationship grow is open communication. He notes that when you notice some changes about your partner, don’t just be mad at them or assume they don’t love you anymore, but rather, sit them down and inquire about what is wrong with them. “Maybe they are stressed or are tired of showing you your mistakes but you never change and just decide to go distant. Find a way to talk through things and come to a conclusion,” he stresses. Dennis advises letting your partner know that you need more attention from them and more involvement in the relationship. He carries on that you ought to awaken the spark in your relationship by dating yourselves, giving each other special treats, going on dates, and all the romantic activities that you did when you had just started knowing each other. But also, invest in the way you look, to attract your partner. If you know they love a certain attire or hairstyle, then do it. He adds if you have discussed but with no signs of improvement, try relationship therapy. Seeing a psychologist or therapist can help you and your partner know the problem and find a strategy that works for you.
