A story is told of a man who was asked by his wife one morning, “darling, do you think I am fat?” He replied without lifting his eyes from the newspaper, “Do you think I am stupid?” Have you ever been in a situation that requires you to tell some terrible truths about things you have done or have contemplated doing? Consider Joseph’s case. He referred to his wife as a ‘classic’ house-wife. She was up to her ears with house chores and children. This left her with no time to nurture their romantic relationship. Joseph found respite in the young beautiful office assistant who had in fact taken a liking for him. He had not yet slept with her but the ceaseless emails between them were blowing steamy lately. Strictly speaking, he thought he had committed no offence.Some relationship scenarios do not lend themselves to simplicity. In most cases, the subjects either lie out rightly or resort to deception. My friend Liza was taking a drama class, and her partner had never so much as commented on it, or even attended any of her shows. Liza started noticing one of her classmates who encouraged her in class. She found herself increasingly being drawn to him, and soon she was fantasizing about the things they could do together besides playing roles in class. Liza had not cheated, at least not physically but one would not need a crystal ball to see what was coming. After all, a lamp can only be stroked for so long before the genie comes out. There are worse scenarios that have played themselves in other people’s lives that one can think of. Question is how do you tell your partner that you have been cheating or have been thinking of it? Aren’t there some secrets better left unsaid- after all what you do not know will really not hurt… Secrets are hard to keep so ask yourself if you are able to keep them. Also, consider the likelihood of your partner finding out, probably the wrong version of what really, happened. It would be more useful to look into and discuss the under lying problem if there is one, other than the specifics of what you did as a result. If you think that he is not paying attention or not treating you the way you want, then say it. Bear in mind that even small disclosures have the potential to get ugly. Some confessions may not be worth the trouble they cause. Attraction to someone other than your partner is no reason for the “we need to talk” speech. Otherwise, you would be having it everyday. The fact is there will always be a better looking person than the one you have. What sets them apart is their inner self. Liza and Joseph for example have the opportunity of resolving their problem without bringing up the issue of the office friend or the boy class. According to a relationships website, www.truthabout deception.com, always consider time setting and be carefull before dropping secret bombs on your partner. However, there is never a perfect time to say you have been unfaithful. Prepare your partner before hand. This is where ‘we need to talk’ comes in. Be gracious and when you have thought about it, planned what to say, consider the pros and cons, then go ahead and say it. fimwel@outgun.com
