WOMAN 2 WOMAN: Maintain a healthy relationship with your partner

It’s totally normal to look at the World through rose-coloured glasses in the early stages of a relationship. But for some people, those rose-coloured glasses turn into blinders that keep them from seeing that a relationship is not as healthy as it should be. What Makes a Healthy Relationship? Hopefully, you and your man are treating each other well. Not sure if that’s the case? Take a step back from the dizzying sensation of being swept off your feet and think about whether your relationship has these seven qualities:Mutual respect. Does he get how cool you are and why? (Watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you are acting like someone you are not!) The key is that your man is into you for who you are — for your great sense of humour etc. Does your partner listen when you say you are not comfortable doing something and then back off right away? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person’s boundaries. Trust. You are talking with James, an old friend and your man walks by. Does he completely lose his cool or keep walking because he knows you would never cheat on him? It is OK to get a little jealous sometimes — jealousy is a natural emotion. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There is no way you can have a healthy relationship if you do not trust each other. Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it is tough to trust someone when one of you is not being honest. Support. It is not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but cannot take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your man should always be through thick and thin. Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time. Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that does not mean you should feel like you are losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies,) and that should not change. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward. Good communication. You have probably heard lots of stuff about how men and women do not seem to speak the same language. We all know how many different meanings the little phrase “no, nothing’s wrong” can have, depending on who is saying it! But what is important is to ask if you are not sure what he means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. ubernie@gmail.com