Relationships: Friends with benefits

A chat with a friend got me wondering if I am living in the wrong century. Here I was congratulating her on her newfound boyfriend and she just turned on me and declared that she was not planning to be exclusive with the boy. “Why?” I asked. She openly declared that the boy is no more than ‘a friend with benefits’. She later went on to explain that friends with benefits (FWB) just mean friends who hook up with each other but don’t have an “official” relationship. That threw me off balance but later I realised it wasn’t just her, it was all these people who kept on saying they had special friends, special buddies no matter what they called it they were all in FWB relationships. According to Sarah Nyaga, 26, “FWB is perfect. You don’t have a boyfriend or girl friend running after you all the time and you don’t feel like you owe anyone anything. Hooking up can include just kissing. Some people just maintain the relationship for public appearances.” Being FWBs seems like a great idea. There are neither obligations nor strings attached. However, eventually, one needs to ask oneself if indeed the benefits do outweigh the risks? For those of us who view commitment as a plague, this setup can seem like a match made in heaven. This ride however is not one that is smooth till you get to your stop. Soon it gets confusing. One of the partners can fall in love and want to go exclusive. Knowing that the other party is not ready for a relationship might just hurt them the more. The initial feelings that you had for the other person might intensify as you spend more time with them. What if, and God forbid, you fall for your hook up buddy and they instead have feelings for someone else? What do you do if he one time leaves you for a serious relationship? Do you stand in line as the best man or do you curse the days you did not communicate your feeling more. There is the loss of friend factor, once you start hooking up it’s almost impossible to go back to what you once had. That is just a fact so one needs to evaluate and decide if being FWB is worth long a friend over FWB is founded on desire to not commit but mostly one of the partners is just being short changed. It’s a case of am in love with you bust since you don’t love me too lets be hooking up once in a while. Well this is definitely not worth it if you don’t communicate your real feeling to this person. If you want more you should have it. I personally think settling for a hook up relationship is too low a cost. And a sure painful price to buy companionship.Relationships are cupped up with physical and emotional risks so before you get into an FWB relationship I think you need to ask yourself if you have feelings for this person that can make this relationship more complicated. Evaluate all the physical risks that are involved in terms of how you will maintain an FWB relationship while practicing sexual safety at the same time. Finally before you decide on a FWB decide whether that’s what you really want or you would rather a more traditional relationship. In the end it’s your choice. Email pgathoni@gmail.com