Divine is a devout Christian, one who isn’t meant to pass judgment on others. She does, however, frequently find herself criticising others. Meeting her, however, it might not be obvious because one doesn’t have to openly criticise, they may be doing it inwardly. ‘Judgmental’ means having or displaying an overly critical point of view. The term describes someone who has a lot of opinions about other people, usually harsh or critical. Some think that being judgmental is a reflection of one’s own self-perception. If someone never acknowledges themselves, continually criticises their decisions and constantly compares their accomplishments to those of others, it’s only natural to view others through the same critical lenses. Others argue that it is hard to avoid being judgmental because criticising or thinking negatively of another person’s attitudes, appearance, or anything else is simply human nature. One Rahul Raj tweeted, “That’s something that goes on in our subconscious mind all round the clock…this phenomenon of perceiving things and then forming an image or opinion in your mind is what is called ‘being judgemental’. And this activity of judging people and things is one of the most involuntary activities that our brain performs without asking for your permission or approval.” Regardless of whether you are a Christian or not, unless you also believe it is natural to be judgmental, we should all endeavour to judge less in order to be the best version of ourselves. Below are suggestions on how to stop being judgmental towards yourself and others: • Self-awareness is key: It is suggested in an article by Kaelyn Barron, the blog manager for TCK Publishing, that one should be more self-aware and mindful of self by observing one’s thoughts and trying to catch oneself making harsh judgments about others. Look for phrases or thoughts like “a person shouldn’t do...”, “If I were them, I wouldn’t do...”, “I would do...instead”, “someone is...”, and so on. • Stop assuming: Don’t assume you know everything about a situation or the reasons for someone’s actions. • Have empathy: You can’t fully know or understand what’s causing someone’s strange or irritating conduct unless they tell you. Even if they explain and you still don’t understand, keep in mind that a person’s background is very important in their life. You might be acting in the same strange and irritating way for them too, based on their values from their background. It’s okay if we can’t “put ourselves in the other person’s shoes” at times. • Be curious: Instead of saying “Jade is always smelling bad”, you could say, “I wonder why Jade smells bad lately.” This way you will direct your thoughts from a more compassionate stance and probably offer some help or advice if you are in a position to or else, it will help you be more tolerant towards the person. • Push yourself out of your comfort zone: As previously mentioned, the majority of us are influenced by our background, religion, or education. However, it is difficult to be more accepting of others who do not share our experiences and viewpoints unless we become open to meeting new people, exploring new places, reading more books, and understanding more behaviours. • We can never find people with whom we agree on everything, therefore learning to “agree to disagree” is necessary. It’s hard to open our minds to learn from those we judge. We’re limited by judgmental views, even if they’re right and we’re wrong in our differing perspectives. It’s not going to be easy, but it doesn’t have to be.
