Mom guilt is real and may affect someone’s parenting style. In society, mothers are usually blamed for everything wrong in their children’s lives. If they (children) get sick, or are involved in an accident, or even behave badly, mothers sometimes blame themselves, or are blamed, for not doing enough to prevent it. Some mothers even feel guilty for resuming work when their babies are still breastfeeding. Mom guilt is that persistent feeling of not doing enough as a parent, not doing things right, or making decisions that may affect your kids in the long run. Some mothers are pressured by how they see other parents with their kids on social media, forgetting that probably, it is only that way on camera. They end up feeling like failures because they can’t emulate others. Jasmine Iriza, a mother of two, notes that mom guilt can appear at any time and common causes may be going back to work after maternity leave, juggling home tasks and parenting responsibilities, or even dealing with thoughts or ideas about parenting choices. Other moms may struggle to balance their role as a parent with their own needs, and might feel guilty for prioritising self-care or spending time away from their children. Some parents may see self-care like spending time in the gym or spa as a way of choosing themselves or prioritising themselves before children, she says. For Iriza, although guilt is normal, mothers shouldn’t feel bad about what they didn’t fulfil because they are not machines, rather, they should focus on being there for their little ones, enjoy time spent with them and not worry about things that they can’t control. Mom guilt can be due to personal insecurities, pressure from family, friends, social media, and other sources. Iriza says that to curb mom guilt, one needs to ask their partner to fill in the gaps when they’re busy. Or assist in some home chores so that you give more time to the kids. She also notes that you should stay away from people who think you’re not doing enough as a mother, and surround yourself with good support systems. “Give yourself more praise than you usually do, the mistakes you made in the past can’t be reversed. Replace mom guilt with action, and assure yourself that your child won’t love you any less. Mistakes are made by humans. Replace blame with taking action and learning from your mistakes to be a better parent,” she says. Research has shown that feeling guilty doesn’t reform our future behaviour. Rather, it gives more power to the part of the brain that seeks gratification. According to Healthline, sometimes mom guilt is so pervasive that it inhibits your ability to parent, or function. If you feel your mom guilt is creating high levels of anxiety, it’s worth bringing up to your doctor, as it may indicate a more serious mental health condition such as postpartum anxiety or depression. For many moms, it’s a matter of stopping the subconscious comparisons and regaining confidence in your own decisions for your family. Choosing Therapy, states that the most common problem when it comes to coping with mom guilt is not being able to communicate or share how you are feeling with others. This expands beyond how you’re feeling, but also how you can be supported. Try not to assume that your needs are obvious to those around you. “You also have to let go of expectations of what support or help looks like. Of course, your child’s safety should always come first, but beyond that, it’s okay if things are done differently than how you normally would have done them. Rest and relaxation are an absolute must and be aware that no one knows the rules to parenting. There are tons of books out there offering advice, but figure out what works for your family unit.”
