If you’ve ever tried to ask someone out, then you’ll know that it can be a harrowing, anxiety-filled awkward experience. No one has ever been given a roadmap to this sort of thing, so sometimes, we may even come off as clumsy in our approach. This is not a debate about who should ask the other out? That’s entirely up to an individual. This is about how to ask someone out, without looking like a complete dork. You may think you have the script in your head, but when you actually approach the person in question, you freeze and the mind goes blank. It’s similar to giving a speech, however, this time it’s about expressing your feelings and allowing the other person to consider them before sharing their own. A friend once told me that he tries to become friends with the person he is interested in first, so that when he asks them out, it comes naturally. And if the dates go well, he might consider starting a relationship, but the vibe comes from the times they spend together and how free they are around each other— it also allows him to know when to back off if the feelings aren’t mutual. Serena Kabakobwa believes that pursuing friendship when one is clearly looking for a romantic connection is a waste of time. “I think you should be upfront from the start that you’re looking for a romantic connection with the person, and then if they agree, you can go ahead and create the bond and see whether it works,” she says. “Plus, because you weren’t clear from the start, you could eventually end up in the ‘friend zone’ forever,” she adds. “Is it easy to communicate with that person? Do you have any friends in common or interests? These are the kinds of things you should be aware of before asking someone out since you don’t want to end up staring at each other with nothing to talk about,” university graduate, Calvin Shema Munyaneza, suggests. In an interview with Acamea Deadwiler, a freelance writer, speaker, and author of “Dispelling the Top 10 Myths of the Single Woman”, dating coach Kevin Carr and Dr. Jaime Zuckerman, a certified clinical psychologist, shared advice on how to ask someone out on a date. Here it is: ● Be confident, assertive not aggressive. According to them it is important to pay attention and let the conversation flow naturally. Recognise any weirdness in the circumstances and have a good understanding of the situation. Don’t be too pushy; give them space. They also suggest that it’s best to avoid referring to it as dating until they’ve given their agreement, and that it’s better to simply refer to it as an outing with someone whose company you enjoy. ● Do it in private According to experts, asking someone out in front of a group of people puts them under pressure to say yes when they don’t mean it. If they decline, this may make things a little uncomfortable for you. ● Be straightforward but offer an easy way out Once you’ve established that the person is single and there appears to be a mutual attraction, the experts advise that you make it plain that you’d like to date them. After you’ve established a connection, don’t waste time, make your intentions known. It is, however, crucial to make it easy for the person who doesn’t want to date you to be honest about it. According to Zuckerman, one simple approach is to state in the conversation that you would understand their hesitancy or lack of interest. “If you don’t think you would be able to handle a ‘no’, or that you, personally, would feel too awkward if rejected, it may not be a good idea to ask them out to begin with,” Zuckerman advised. “Respect their decision. It very well may not be personal, but rather a function of the circumstance itself.” Easier said than done? After all, who enjoys being rejected? However, it is critical to bounce back from the rejection and keep pushing forward. This should be a normal experience. Some people believe that there is a chance for change. Perhaps it’s an opportunity for personal growth; to discover something about yourself, a negative quality, or a way of being in a relationship that you can work on improving before meeting someone else. Also, various people have different preferences, so it’s possible that it’s not the one you’re looking for.
