Raising children, in itself, should both be natural and satisfying. While raising one’s child, parents find themselves offering anything and everything for the welfare of their kids. What happens when this responsibility is shifted to the grandparents? That too, is often okay, especially when the latter are able and willing to do so. In the western world, this happens a lot and there are no grievances about it. In Africa, especially in the rural areas where life is riddled with social economical struggles, the phenomenon of grandparents raising their children’s children is so prevalent and comes with a myriad of complications and adjustments, sometimes, even confusion if not misery. In the village of Mnyonge lives this couple who are in their mid-sixties. Apparently, they gave birth to eight children and, as fate would have it, among the three daughters they have, two have given birth to many kids out of wedlock. In fact, all seem to be incompatible with husbands, or, are too comfortable to live with mum and dad all their lives. Nyakio, the first daughter, works in Kigali city. She’s left behind three adolescents under the care of her old parents. Her younger sister has a one-year-old and, since she too works far away from home, had to leave the kid with grandma. While Nyakio works as a house help, her sister is said to be selling alcohol in a bar in Musanze. Back in the village, the old couple is trying to make ends meet. Grandma is running up and down to ensure that, especially the toddler feeds properly; on a balanced diet since her breastfeeding was cut short. She was weaned at eight months because the mother had finally secured the long awaited job. The teenage girl and boys too are around. The eldest, a boy, has dropped out of school in Senior 2 from a nearby day school. I’m told he now cycles passengers to and from the area market. His siblings are both in Primary six but, apparently they don’t do well in school. It’s during my usual village visits that I bumped into this family and picked a chat with the grandma. She recounted to me how at some point she had to re-learn how to take care of a toddler; in fact, she had to breastfeed her herself. You will be shocked to learn that the two single mothers; her daughters, left the whole burden of bringing up their children to their old parents. From our conversation, I gathered that neither of them had showed up at home for the last six months. Worse even, not any of them had as much as called on phone to find out how their children were fairing. Grandpa, fortunately, had landed a night guard job and so was bringing home a few francs. He would often sit the young boys down to try and inculcate good manners into their heads but they seemed to be reading from a different script. They always did what they pleased, leaving the old man to talk to himself. Do the mothers of these kids support them financially? Yes, when and with the little they seem to afford. However, their expensive dress code suggests that they earn some reasonable amount, it’s possible that helping their children is not a priority. Grandma says the most she ever received from both of them was Rwf20,000 and it was meant for buying new clothes for two of the kids who were getting baptized in the church. She watched it get over, just like that! What made me shed a tear or two was the fact that she often spent nights in the health facility since the youngest child was having fever attacks that often threw her into convulsions. The picture she painted of her retaking the whole business of bringing up children made me question the whole thing. Is it fair that parents should bring both you and your children up? What if each one took their own cross? After all, lack of a bond between the mother/ father and child affects both in all aspects; be it social, psychological, emotional and even physiologically. No one should run away from their natural responsibility, bring up your child! The author is the HeadMistress of Inyange Girls School of Sciences.
