When it comes to dating, every couple is different, and so is their relationship. So there’s no one-size-fits-all magic formula for a happily-ever-after. With marriage, attainment is in being able to sustain the family and of course, loving and respecting each other all through. While love may be the biggest reason people marry, it’s not the only one. In general, people make the commitment to spend their lives together for more than a single reason. Every couple chooses to commit to marriage because it serves their needs and supports their values and dreams. Lately, marriage is said to have become a business thing, as opposed to two people finding love and wanting to spend the rest of their lives together. It is claimed that money is the number one issue married couples fight about, and is the second leading cause of divorce, behind infidelity. Questions like ‘what does he/she do’, ‘how much do they earn’, usually pop up during family discussions when a relationship is getting serious enough to consider marriage. But should marriage be about what someone can bring to the table? Or is it deeper than that? Louise Niyonshuti, a married mother of two, says marriage is a commitment. “If you are not loyal, then I think you are failing at it, it is bigger than wealth, and can’t survive on money alone.” Niyonshuti says that when children are involved, marriage becomes a whole other thing, it ceases to be about the couple, and so they must think twice about their actions. “Before I got married, I didn’t have a fancy life growing up, I used to imagine that my husband would cover all the expenses, and that we’d live a luxurious life, but it’s different now. I have a family to take care of and that’s more important in marriage for me.” Rosine Uwineza, an entrepreneur, says that marriage is not about material things, it’s bigger than that. “I look at it as a gift from God, it is not a competition. A lot of young people nowadays think of marriage as a business, which is not right. Getting married to a well-off person is a blessing, but it shouldn’t be the motive,” she says. “I think one can get married to avoid loneliness, to have children and spend life with someone you love,” says Maureen Umurerwa. Dan Ruzindana says, “When I got married, I expected a whole new lifestyle and responsibilities. You find yourself being selfless, and all that you have is for your spouse and children, it becomes your happiness.” In the article, “4 Terrible Reasons to Get Married (And 4 Really Good Ones)”, the author says, “Most of these horrible reasons to get married will probably seem obvious and maybe even a little ridiculous. But for a lot of us, it’s really hard to take an objective look at our own motivations and see them for what they really are. “Sometimes, your real intentions are hidden a few layers deep and you just need someone to lovingly shake them to the surface for you.” Committing to someone by getting married amplifies all the facets of your relationship. So if you genuinely love and respect one another, that love and respect can grow and evolve in a married couple, the article states. Allan Asiimwe, a Kigali resident says his reason to get married was to start a family. “Unfortunately some people go into marriage because of peer pressure.” Whatever it is, getting married to prove something—or get something—is an awful reason to do it. “You should be marrying someone who’s not just an ideal romantic partner for you, they’re also your friend,” the aforementioned article states.
