Parents often shy away from educating their children about sex, leaving it to teachers who barely cover it. But when is the right time to talk about it? Some will say in teenage years, as it is when they can be manipulated, while others say right after their first period, which could even be at the age of 10. However, Healthline says talking to your kids early and often is the best way to make sure they make good choices about puberty and sex. Also, if your child doesn’t ask about sex, don’t wait for them. Be the one to initiate the conversation once they reach their preteen years. How to prepare for these conversations • Know the anatomy. Learn the proper names for each body part. • Be honest. Don’t be afraid to admit to your child that you feel embarrassed talking about it too. This type of empathy might help your child feel comfortable and ask more. • Relate. Tell your stories about your own experiences growing up. • Address appearances. Bring up acne, mood changes, growth spurts and hormonal changes and how these things can happen at different times for different kids and how that is total normal. • Listen. Listen actively and keep eye contact. Don’t ask too many questions and keep it general if you do. • Be respectful. Choose a quiet, private area to talk. Respect their desires to only talk to mom or dad about certain subjects. • Offer resources. Create a list of websites and books that offer information about sexuality that you think are accurate. The key talking points Children will have many lots of questions regarding sex, be ready to answer briefly the specific questions, but also make sure you explain the following well while having the conversation, as suggested by Healthline: • What to expect in terms of body changes, like pubic and underarm hair, voice changes (boys), and breast changes (girls). • That they have “private parts” and make sure to reiterate that no one, not even a friend or a family member, has the right to touch these areas. • Educate kids about pregnancy and Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) such as gonorrhea and HIV/AIDS. Tell them how to protect themselves from STDs and how to avoid getting pregnant. • Parents can tell kids what to do if they feel pressure to have sex before they are ready. For girls, what to do the first time they get a period, including how to use a pad or tampon and what to expect in terms of pain. For boys, tell them what to do if they ejaculate or have a ‘wet dream’. Dangers of not talking to kids about sex To some parents sex education is sometimes an awkward topic to be discussed, while for others its even taboo that shouldn’t be mentioned at home. But it is dangerous to be reserved about sex at home. Jane Uwimana, a health and development communication expert, says that parents who get shy about sex talk with their kids can make them look for it elsewhere, most of the time it is out of curiosity. “If you haven’t told your kids that nobody has rights to their bodies apart from them, and help them be aware of people who might want to take advantage, they don’t get to understand their worth,” she says. Uwimana notes that talking to kids about sex is a powerful weapon to help them outside as they live their own lives. A child who has not been educated on sex won’t know how to protect their body, or how to overcome challenges that may come their way. “Giving an example of a child who was not educated on sex, in case they happen to be raped, they might be traumatised and tell no one, which will have a huge impact on them. A child who had sex discussions with a parent could talk to them because they already know it is what they should do,” she says. According to Xavier Kanyambari, a psychologist, parents not normalising home sex education, or sex being a taboo subject in society, has a bad impact on kids. “As a parent it is your responsibility to talk to your kids about sex as they grow up. If they are not aware of what it is, when they do have sex, they do not protect themselves, and are at risk of diseases or pregnancy.” There is no need to give too much information at once. The conversation will evolve as your child gets older and starts asking different questions.
