The Blame Game

It is very difficult to forgive those who wrong us. That lingered through my mind on Tuesday when I visited the Gisozi Memorial Centre. I tried putting myself in the shoes of those who lost their loved ones who died mercilessly during the 1994 Genocide against the Tutsi. But again I wondered who is to blame. The UN who withdrew their peace keeping troops, the Interehamwe militia, the French who provided the militia group with ammunition and training, the Government at the time? Whoever it is to blame, we can only hope that they realize their folly and own up and ask for forgiveness. Right now, we are trying to move on and are working hard towards building a peaceful and better Rwanda. Having said that, I still can’t help wondering how stupid and vulnerable one can be to be influenced to murder innocent lives and later serve life sentences in jail yet the people who incited them, walk freely in the streets of Paris and other European states. Others are said to seen in bars in Kenya others are London while some are even reading this article. When will Africa learn? Who gets hurt in Congo, who suffers in Darfur, what’s the point of the wars in Somalia? We fight each other and allow the western countries to be “the mediators”. Are they really willing to help or it’s a case of “let’s help these poor bastards?” Where were they in 1994? To add insult to injury, these four men namely Dr Vincent Bajinya in north London; Charles Munyaneza in Bedford; Celestin Ugirashebuja in Essex; and Emmanuel Nteziryayo in Manchester, have won a London High Court battle to halt their extradition to Rwanda where they face charges of Genocide. These men say they would not receive a fair trial if they were returned to Rwanda. According to BBC, the judges said: “We conclude that if they (the four) were extradited to face trial in the High Court of Rwanda, the appellants would suffer a real risk of a flagrant denial of justice by reason of their likely inability to adduce the evidence of supporting witnesses.” The judges also ruled there was a real risk “of executive (government) interference with the judiciary” in Rwanda. There is actually a chance that these men could appeal for compensation. I just hope that I am not writing in anger but I am thinking there must be someone somewhere wishing for Genocide in order to take the next flight from Europe and get more money from photographs our bones now that they are running out of stories. Well, too bad because Rwandans have stated “NEVER AGAIN.” On April 9, I visited two memorial sites in Nyamata. It seriously beats my mind, what anyone could have gained from smashing an infant’s head against a wall. The only reason forgiveness is required is only for one’s benefit but nothing more. I can never live with the pain so I am forced to forgive for my own health purposes. I shall not blame anyone for I shall not gain from it. The damage is already done. The blame game is the one that nobody actually has a chance of winning. A game that hurts all involved. Blame is a defence mechanism. The pain is real. Personal responsibility is the key here as well. You must take responsibility for your needs, your wants, your pain, your actions and you must learn that there is no excuse for abuse. Blaming anyone else, even someone who abused or hurt you in childhood is not going to help you heal now. It will not help you meet your needs. It will not help you learn how to maintain relationships. It will not help you to find yourself. What happened in your past needs to be unwound today. Blaming anyone for the choices that you’ve made as to how to cope with your past to this day is not a healthy choice. It is often a very lonely and isolating choice to make. Stop blaming anyone or anything else. Look to yourself. These are your patterns and when you work to understand them. When you can understand the blame game you will no longer have to go there. The result will be happier and healthier patterns of relating. Forgive the perpetrator. Ask for forgiveness from those whose dear one you merciless killed or maimed. That way, you will not be tied to your past. Ends