Dear Aunt Silvia, I am a newly married young man, my wife and I have a baby girl together. Even though I love my wife and daughter very much, my wife has a controlling habit that really pisses me off and embarrasses me quite often. Recently she made us shift houses to go and live near her parents, so that she can take full control of me. My family and friends can hardly visit me, when they do they are met with hostility. It looks like she is the one in control of my life. I need to make my presence felt in my house, but I don’t know where to start because my wife shuts me up very fast every time I dare open my mouth. My parents and friends warned me against marrying her, now I regret. What do I do?Stephen. Dear Stephen, It takes two to tango. You need the support of your wife and not her permission to be able to lead a normal life. Your family members and friends should be able to visit you freely. I know after going though this you are now regretting not having heeded your family members’ advice. But you know love is blind- when one is in love every sense shuts down until much later when you realise it’s not a bed of roses after all. Your wife sounds like a selfish person, how can she entertain her own family members in your home and not be able to welcome yours? You should be in a position to put your feet down and demand some respect here. Your wife is behaving the way she is, because from the word go you gave her all the powers and made her believe that you are only in that house to be seen and not heard. If it were not for that, then I believe things would not have turned out the way they have. There is no shortcut to a happy life or marriage. It is up to us to make our relationships work, the way we want. Your parents must have seen this domineering attitude in her, which is why they were very careful to warn you- but I know when one is in love one doesn’t see or hear anything. I am not meant to break relationships, so I ask you to first talk out your problems with your wife, and make sure you make your point very clear. If she is not barging then seek intervention of both family members and highlight your problems. I believe it is your wish to have some respect- so make yourself heard and not just seen; the change can only start with you. kayitesius@yahoo.com
