Henry and Liliane have been dating for three months. Each time they quarrel, Henry apologises, whether he is at fault or not. Most of the time, he does this to end the argument quickly, or simply because he doesn’t have the energy to engage in long fights. However, Liliane doesn’t acknowledge that. She always thinks she is right and it never crosses her mind that maybe she might be responsible for their problems. This, and many other things, are referred to as red flags in a relationship. A red flag is usually a warning of danger; but in a relationship, according to Psychology-today, a red flag is an intuitive indicator that something is going wrong in a relationship. Below are some that you should not ignore; A person who never admits/apologises for their mistakes In the case of Henry and Liliane; it doesn’t mean Liliane is perfect, it just means that Henry keeps compromising to keep going but it is not right. It doesn’t mean that Henry is the best either, it might mean that he doesn’t know how to communicate his problems. Lack of communication It is easier to keep things to ourselves and believe that they will come to pass, especially when you don’t know exactly how your partner will react to your remarks. Sometimes, people try to communicate but end up asking the wrong questions or telling lies. According to Abigail Brenner, a psychologist, the key to good communication is openness to hear what one does wrong, and honesty. Not feeling like yourself A friend shared that it was crucial for them to feel comfortable with the person they are in a relationship with. Some people tend to paint a perfect picture and force themselves to be a certain way that they believe would be much better appreciated by the other person. The truth, however, is that one has to like the other for who they really are and it is one’s responsibility to portray their true image. It is okay to let someone go because they are not what you need or you are not what they need. Abusive behaviour Many psychologists agree that any form of abuse is toxic in a relationship. Abusive behaviors include; verbal, emotional, physical, psychological/exercising control over your partner, isolating your partner from other people, etc. They are not only red flags but a big GET-OUT. Among others shared by different people; red flags in a relationship may include; lack of trust, efforts imbalance, selfishness, a sex drive that is much higher than other activity in a relationship, lack of respect for boundaries, or simply, your gut telling you that being with them is not the right thing to do.
