Daring to be who you truly are, to be free and comfortable with your own person, is said to be the best way of living and connecting with other people in a genuine way. Anh Lin, a Christian vlogger, recently posted on her YouTube channel that when you’re authentically yourself, you know where your boundaries end and another person’s begins. You no longer receive any meaningful satisfaction from the act of gossiping or slandering. You can graciously excuse yourself from situations that make you feel uncomfortable. She also shared that as someone who grew up with an anxious and narcissistic parent—becoming quite anxious and narcissistic herself—she is now on the road to recovery from all that rage and chaos. “It feels darn good to finally be aligned with who I am and what I genuinely believe in. Authenticity really is the sword that slays both narcissism and people-pleasing behaviours. I love pursuing authenticity because it takes the power away from the enemy, whose goal is to always steal, kill and destroy. He can’t threaten your identity because you’re already firm in your worth, and he can’t hold your sins against you because you have already confessed them to the Lord.” What does it actually mean to be authentic? Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we are supposed to be and embracing who we actually are, according to Brene Brown, a behavioural psychology researcher. Counsellor Shadia Nansasi agrees with her, saying that resisting the urge to wrap ourselves with masks of what we think others will accept, and instead, focus on being who we really are without giving into popular norms is what being authentic really means. If you want to fully understand what authenticity is, you need to recognise what it isn’t, she says. “A person who always wants to fit in or do things to be liked other than choosing what they really want is not real with him or herself. As long as you compromise your values, what you believe in and the things you really want at the expense of being accepted or liked, this points to you not being true to yourself.” Other cases can include being scared of acknowledging your imperfections. Nansasi explains that when one finds it challenging to admit their mistakes and fears, it becomes hard for them to lead an authentic life, because then they will often resort to making up excuses or pass on blame to others and never accepting the role they had to play. The other sign and downside of living a dishonest life is, often you will be or feel misunderstood by people, especially the ones who are closest to you. A person who isn’t authentic will find it hard to make meaningful relationships with people, “You always feel like people perceive you in a way that’s completely opposite with who you are. You, hence, end up feeling like no one gets you or knows the ‘real you,’ the counsellor notes. Therapists often note that some of the common reasons why people aren’t authentic include; the fear of being judged or mocked if they reveal their true selves, the need to fit in and be accepted in addition to conforming to other people’s opinions of what is or not accepted, among others. Why authenticity matters, according to the counsellor, is because nothing is as powerful and healthy as deciding to live life on your own terms, no matter what society says. “This also determines our emotional and mental well-being, yet it likewise defines diverse areas of our lives.” It is, hence, recommended for one who wants to lead an authentic life, to always strive to have their actions, and behaviours match what they say and their core identity. This, however, requires daily action and the drive to take inventory of your current state, looking back to gain perspective and, thereafter, creating awareness to your actions and thoughts.
