Manzi grew up in a home where it was normal for his father to beat up their mother. This was part of their daily routine and as a child, he had accepted this harsh reality. Growing up, he never understood why his father was always enraged to hurt his mother that bad. May be it was the alcohol? He would wonder, because he recalls him being drunk most of the time. But these painful memories are stuck with him, and though he is in his thirties now, Manzi thinks less of having a family of his own because he says he is afraid of becoming his father. Often, childhood experiences, if not dealt with, show up in one’s adult life and they can be reflected in so many ways such as habits, decisions as well as how they relate with others. Because different people have varied experiences, Gloria Umwali, a psychology student, says understanding how to deal with a particular personal experience depends on the nature of the trauma. “But I would say that, in general, childhood trauma results in a distorted or no accurate view of self and even the world. One might grow into a fearful person and be mistrustful of others,” she says. Counsellor Ian Murenzi explains that since childhood is a time where children are in most need of being loved and protected, any sense of instability or violence can have profound effects on their life. Experiencing domestic violence, undergoing a traumatic event, being physically or sexually abused can all be causes of childhood trauma. According to Murenzi, since children do not have the ability to sieve information or experiences, it’s easy for them to take in all the effects of what they go through without ever understanding why or how they even happened in the first place. “This is where you find that a person has a wavering sense of self, they can also be undermining their self-worth. This pain can also impact a person in a way that they battle with feelings of shame and guilt, at times they can even feel disengaged with the world around them and this makes it hard for them to relate with others,” he says. How to deal with it Aside from the emotional side of these effects, adults battling with childhood trauma tend to have poor concentration, tremors, night terrors, lack of energy and sleep disturbances, among other physical symptoms. Umwali says the biggest and most important step is acknowledging this trauma first. Acknowledging that a certain experience affected us in thinking and behaving a certain way, is the first step to changing our ways of doing things and living ultimately. Awareness first and then addressing the trauma in the right environment and with the right people: going for therapy basically with a professional psychotherapist, she recommends. “Oftentimes, we don’t even know that we behave the way we do because of something we experienced when we were too young to put words on the discomfort, pain that it created as a result. That is why a professional is needed, to guide us to and through those painful, sometimes inhibited memories. Just acknowledging the trauma is not enough. If not addressed with care, the memories can cause more damage,” she adds. In his view, Murenzi reveals that handling childhood trauma can mean to be a difficult process, however it’s very vital. He advises victims to always go for therapy, “Therapists have the capacity to care and offer remedies that will facilitate healing. When you see a therapist, they can help you define the root cause of your suffering, help you deal with the effects and ultimately help you unlearn damaging behaviours that may have come as a result of this childhood trauma.”
