Aunt’s corner

Dear Aunt Silvia, My wife and I hold good posts in different international organizations, and she happens to earn twice as much as I do. Her job requires her to travel all the time leaving me with the responsibility of bringing up our small children alone. What puzzles me is that even when she is not traveling she still comes home very late in the night spending most of the night in the office only to come in the wee hours, rest and go again. I miss her very much.What pains me the most is that she has become a total stranger to our children. Please help.Edjione. Dear Edjione, Big jobs come with very huge responsibilities, unless you have a problem with your wife having to bring home a fatter cheque than yours, I see no problem with that. Women have moved a notch higher in terms of career and having big posts. You should count yourself lucky to have a wife who will be in a position to support you all the way in case anything goes wrong. However, I might be supportive in her work but not in her behavior. Have you aired your concerns to her? If you have not, then she might not know that what she is doing is hurting her family. Another thing that I have noticed is that your wife portrays characters of a typical workaholic. Workaholics have all different reasons as to why they behave the way they do. Research has found out that some workaholics come from dysfunctional or abusive families. As they were growing up they were often pushed to excel and whoever did not, was treated as an outcast. Others were abused by their family members or friends, and they have been inwardly suppressing their anger and disappointments thus as they grow they vent their frustrations towards their jobs by overworking. By the way when workaholics are not buried in their work they are most likely to suffer from depression. However, there is no shortcut to a happy marriage. Kindly ask your wife to take a short break from her work. Also, if you can afford, take the whole family for a retreat far from home. Do it so that all of you can have time to reconnect once again. You have to reassure her that you love her. You will be surprised by what she will tell you. After the trip, give her space to think over what the two of you have discussed as a family. If it does not work, I recommend the two of you see a counselor for therapy sessions. Contact: kayitesius@yahoo.com