I listened to a song by a Tanzanian artiste that describes a wedding ceremony so accurately that I replayed it over and over. At a wedding there will always be different characters; we have those that come to witness their ex being married to another person, with some feeling happy they were there before the person marrying or being married, while others will be thanking God someone finally relieved them of a burden. The song was about Mwajuma, a lady in the village that many people thought would never get married because to them she was ugly, barren and potbellied, and was only good for short stints and one night stunts. The song wonders why the in-laws are jubilating and feigning happiness yet they said she would never marry their brother. As the bridal party walks in, team gossip can’t believe it’s the despised Mwajuma looking that super in makeup; where did her second hand clothes, second hand looks go? They wonder. Some guests wished the groom had married Muna, another village belle whom some people thought was more deserving. The song describes the people that come without an invitation, ‘gate crashers,’ you know those never miss at a wedding. Then the ones in a corner hating on the bride’s gown. Why didn’t she shed off some weight? Where is her waistline? The group that is dancing kwaito stands out, it is filled with people that have ‘banged’ the bride, they are kwaitoring as if to tell the man we all know what you are taking home. Then the ones that said Mwajuma would ever get married are now the ones finishing the crate of beer, when speeches are being made they scream the loudest, ‘our Mwajuma, our Mwajuma’ yet they never saw this day come, they despised her. There is a couple of friends over there eating cake while saying Mwajuma won’t last in that marriage for three weeks, one questions why the guy would say only three weeks and that one asks him if he didn’t know that Mwajuma was responsible for breaking the home of mzee Abdallah and now Abdallah is single, having been dumped by his wife. The other guys assure him that Mwajuma is going to last in this marriage for 800 years. As the wedding party comes to an end, a group staggering home having eaten to their fill and drank like there is no tomorrow, still cannot believe they just witnessed Mwajuma’s wedding ceremony, it’s surreal, everyone around had ruled her out completely. Do you notice how little has been said about the groom? It is not that he does not have a story; it is possibly because women rarely brag about their ‘conquests’ or the men at the wedding drunk too much. It is the desire of many to have weddings attended by a lot of relatives and friends, unfortunately it is not easy to tell who is present with good intentions, and who only came through to reveal secrets and fill people in on things they did not know about the bride or groom. Imagine entrusting a close friend with your deepest secret then he opts to open his mouth on your wedding day; that one does not wish you well. Next week let us talk about how to keep such people away from a wedding.
