With more and more people working from home, the likelihood is that despite both parents now being present, much of the “domestic” work will still land squarely on the shoulders of the women of the house. However, some men have adapted to making meals, keeping the house clean and tidy and the children entertained. For example, Richard Shema woke up one morning and realised that the lockdown did not only alter his work, but his household as well. As a full time business consultant, he was gone most of the time, which left his wife in charge of the house and the kids. But with the current lockdown, this changed very fast. Instead of waking up for his early morning meetings, he now wakes up to starving screaming toddlers who want to be fed and have their diapers changed. Not only does he now have to care for the children, Shema says he also helps his wife with house chores as well. Although women are often the ones to take care of the home, the lockdown has put men in a position they haven’t experienced before. The disruption of daily routines has certainly changed the face of many things, including gender roles in a number of households, something that has had impact on family relationships. When the lockdown started, Joyeuse Uwimana was concerned that the current situation was going to hinder her already strained relationship with her husband. But she was surprised to see that the ongoing crisis has actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise for her marriage. Her husband being home full time has done wonders for her marriage, she says. “His business was shut down but I still work from home, this has left him with more time for our family. And he has been very supportive, I appreciate how he does his best to let me focus on my work as he juggles home-schooling for our kids and runs the household too,” Uwimana says. She adds that they also have a chance to spend more time in each other’s company and this has brought them closer as a couple. However, not everyone is adjusting well to these changes. In an effort to keep his marriage solid, Godfrey Araali has resorted to sometimes cooking dinner for his family, but he admits to secretly loathing every minute of it. As he sweats himself through the cooking, deep down he wishes to be sipping on his beer watching a game, he says. Adding, however, that it is all worth it as long as it means holding his marriage together. “We have found ourselves doing a lot of domestic work, and I must admit that this is not easy at all. Most men can relate with me on this I believe. But let’s look on the positive side, lockdown has managed to ground us since most fathers are always out and about chasing money.” He says the lockdown has completely turned him into a stay-at-home-dad and that this has given him a chance as a husband and father to discover and rediscover the pleasure of spending time with his wife and children. Erin Zimmerman, a biologist and freelance science writer, notes that the pandemic has reversed the usual gender roles in her house and she loves it. Before everything changed, any appointment, emergency, or unforeseen event fell on her, as the person earning less in her marriage. And now that her husband shut down his practice and laid off his staff, everything changed overnight. “In an instant, a man who normally works 60 hours a week or more found himself at home with no patients to see, and I found myself the sole income earner for our family of four. Now he’s the one who cuts sandwiches and wipes bums, while my work has taken on an importance that it was never allowed to have before. And I love it. It’s terrifying, but also strangely empowering. My working time is now respected,” she writes. “I am tucked away behind a closed door that my children understand is not to be opened, because mom is working. For the first time in my life as a parent, my work takes precedence. Now, for the first time in their lives, petty squabbles and spilled milk are something to go see Daddy about. I can only hope that this change in their perception of the importance of my work lasts beyond the weeks or months of self-isolation ahead.” She hopes that this is something that will stay with her daughters, whether they clearly remember it or not — that they’ll know fathers can deal with sibling disputes and mothers can be the providers for their families. Creating a structure Counsellor Jessica Kayitesi says that for households to survive this lockdown, they need to understand that they are in this together, citing that the threat of the coronavirus has made managing family life a much bigger job. She reckons that the imbalance of responsibilities at home would obviously strain relationships. And highlights that both men and women should be willing to help each other out. “Men should understand that this is the best time to ditch the mentality that its women to be in charge of households.” Kayitesi recommends that families form a united front, by setting and sticking to household rules.
