Almost as soon as “lockdown” became our daily way of life, jokes started circulating about the havoc the coronavirus would likely wreak on marriages. Memes poking fun at relationships during lockdown became the order of the day. There was constant chat on social media platforms about how couples were suddenly forced to spend days or weeks cooped up at home together and the possible outcomes. Some Twitter users pointed out, albeit jokingly: “You can’t spell divorce without COVID.” True or not, the outbreak may be a test on marriages and relationships that many are completely unprepared for. There are also emerging concerns that the unprecedented health crisis could irrevocably damage intimate relationships in similar ways as natural catastrophes have been known to. Relationship survival James (not real name), a web designer based in Kigali, and his partner, have gone from spending a few hours in a day to 14 or more uninterrupted weeks together. For a married couple, this could mean a ‘make’ or ‘break’ for their relationship. Whereas he appreciates how much more time he is spending with his family, James can’t help but feel overwhelmed by the sudden turn of events. Without much to occupy them, the couple is in a place of constant arguments. If it’s not arguing about what tasks are to be done by who, it’s nagging about small issues like who gets to be in charge of the remote control. At this point, he says, they are struggling to avoid getting totally sick of each other. Relationships aren’t always easy, and now that the world is on lockdown as a way of containing the spread of the novel coronavirus, what happens now that spouses are staying home all day? What of the unmarried couples that are separated by this or suddenly find themselves quarantined together? An example is Kelia Mutoni and the boyfriend who had been dating for only months when the lockdown was put in place. Their relationship was in its initial stages, only for isolation to set them apart. And now, she is scared their relationship might end without even starting. For Divine Agasaro, it is a different story. She had only seen this man for only weeks when the lockdown forced her into cohabiting with him. “I was at his place when the lockdown was announced. I don’t know if this is going to build our relationship but I am pretty sure we are going to get tired of each other in just a matter of time. We barely know each other and here we are living like a married couple.” But Sam Asiimwe, a photographer, says it’s only those who don’t have patience and lack communication skills that will allow this period to kill their relationship. “But if they put their pride aside and listen to each other carefully, they can sort things out. This lockdown will give time to couples to know more about each other. Since most of their time is spent at work, few people don’t get enough time to know each other’s flaws. Children too will have enough time with their parents,” he says. Sheila Muziba, a logistics coordinator, believes this to be the right time to have those hard conversations that you’ve been avoiding for weeks. She says this is the time to have that dinner you’ve not had in ages as a family because daddy and mummy come home late. “It is the time to make your bond stronger, and for marriages that had hit a rock, this lockdown will be the best time to patch things up and go back to a good place, remember that you are strong together. Apart from taking the office home, also work on your home. Rekindle that flame that brought you together. And well, for those in relationships, I believe this lockdown will make you appreciate your partner or make you realise that you don’t need them in your life.” What of physical intimacy? Justin Kalisa says couples can maintain contact by making use of conference calls and messaging on a daily basis. He also says recommending and watching similar movies (though from different places) can help. “But what of the physical connection? Couples keep the flame alive in relationships through physical connection and intimacy. A lack of this will definitely take a toll on so many couples,” he says. Eric Mucyo couldn’t agree more; he says his love language is physical touch and spending quality time with his girlfriend. However, the lockdown has reduced his choices to on-screen flirting. “We are not sure how we are going to manage all of this, so many things have been put on hold, and among the many aspects that have been affected are relationships and marriages,” he says. Writer Melinda Fakuade notes that while quarantine definitely limits romantic routines, it can actually be an enjoyable change of pace. She recommends taking a break at this time to reconnect with yourself, and revaluate what you’re looking for romantically. The virus has thrown a wrench in any plans to be physically intimate. For those who were planning on hot dates, just stay home. It’s irresponsible to meet up with a brand-new partner in person right now, but video chat is always available! A dinner date online can prove to be strangely intimate. For those who are newly dating someone, this period can be a great time to regroup. Without the rose-coloured glasses from the honeymoon phase, it’s easier to consider your new relationship from an objective standpoint,” she writes. Fakuade cautions against guilt about feeling lonely or anxious without your partner, new or long-time. She advises couples to plan to text and call their partners more often at regular intervals to check-in. For those who are quarantined at home with a partner, it’s easy to become anxious about a lack of ‘me time’. Experts recommend forming a new routine that allows for a couple time as well as independent space.
