It is that time of the year when we celebrate seeing and being around grannies and old aunties, but on the other hand, you want to avoid them because if you have been married and there’s no sign of pregnancy they will ask questions. If you’re single and came unaccompanied, you’ll be reminded of the younger family members who got married in the course of the year, and they will demand an explanation for the delay. If you are engaged they will wonder why it has taken you too long to get married, ‘do you know you’re wasting time? Aren’t you concerned someone will come from nowhere and ‘snatch’ your partner?’ Due to family pressures, a few Christmases ago, my friends Joel and Martha decided to go to their homes posing as a couple. Both of them were tired of being asked questions year in, year out. This time they thought it was imperative to find a fake boyfriend for her sake and girlfriend for his. They did Christmas at Joel’s parents’ home and New Year’s at Martha’s. They made their families very happy. Being that they came from liberal families, at Joel’s home a room was spared for the ‘couple.’ This was tricky, much as the two had known each other for years, they had never thought of a possible romance. Over the years they had dated different people. While on the road they joked and wondered what they would do if they were forced to sleep in the same room; they laughed at each other and made fun. Joel told her it may be the last time they were friends because he expected her to be turned off by his loud snore. She decried the fact that she would not be able to sleep in her tiny nightdress saying she was not about to send the wrong signals. Martha promised to sleep in jeans if that was to happen. The moment of reckoning arrived; a room had been prepared and it was to be shared by only the two of them. They whispered to each other that it was important for them to retire early; he would sleep on the floor while she occupied the bed. They would not do anything silly after all, their mission was clear. Well, they retired early as they wished, the guy tried sleeping on the floor but his town-bred ribs could not handle the hard surface, he pleaded with her to allow him join her in bed promising he would behave. She believed him and trusted herself, but the human body is something else, it has a tendency to defy you when you need it most. To cut the long story short, they are married with two children. That night one thing led to another. What was meant to be a fake relationship turned out to be the moment that brought to the fore qualities and stories about each other that they never anticipated. If at all you are planning to take a fake partner home, be fully prepared for the consequences. I wish you well dealing with family this season.
