Someone allegedly stole a dress Lady Gaga wore. And it wasn’t even her dress—she had just borrowed it for a function. They caught the person trying to sell the garment and we’re like “Busted!” What? Lady Gaga has a clothing story that we can all relate to because that same thing happened to someone we knew at school? How come? Let me explain. You may know Lady Gaga as a talented singer-songwriter and actress who recently performed a leading role in the film A Star is Born, that also featured Bradley Cooper in the most daring role of his career; he played a person with talent. But before that, you ignorant Generation Z tadpole, Lady Gaga was herself one of the biggest stars in pop music, born or manufactured. At the peak of her career, she was known not just for a formidable string of hit songs but even more so for performing these songs in the most ridiculous outfits she or anyone else could imagine imagining. Nothing, no material, no element, no substance was safe from Lady Gaga. If it could cover knickers it was going to be beaten into some sort of clown suit for her next show. Lady Gaga wore tin, plastic, feathers, rubber, tarpaulin, hair, paint, and it only got stranger and stranger. Until it culminated in a dress made of meat. Raw meat. Beef. Steak. Inyama Leather dresses were too sane. She wanted to wear what was inside the cow. So she showed up at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards in a dress made of raw steaks stitched together. Historians peg this as the moment it all changed for her Ladyship. Maybe, sitting there at the VMAs, stinking and covered in flies, alone at her table because no one wanted to be next to the stench, she realised that she had probably gone too far. Or maybe it was the fact that her outlandish outfits had always caused a sensation. Until the meat dress. Then after that nobody seemed to pay that much attention. In terms of fashion she had peaked. Every crazy thing she wore after that was just not as crazy. So she just started wearing clothes instead of space suits. We can’t say this was an easy transition for us her fans because there was that initial confusion: We kept asking ourselves who that normal human was. “She sounds just like Lady Gaga but she dresses like a person.” Eventually we got used to it. Lady Gaga wore a silk dress to the Golden Globes, like a normal person and then, like a normal person, took it off in her hotel room after the event and went home, leaving it there. Assuming, she said, that Valentino, the designer who had loaned it to her, would come pick it up. The hotel says they put the dress in their lost and found and waited for the stipulated regulation period for someone to claim it, then when no one, least of all Gaga herself, did, they just gave it back to the maid who found it and told her to do with it what she will. So the maid put it on auction. That’s when Valentino themselves heard about it and jumped in to say no! You guys stole that dress. The hotel says no one stole it. The maid says no one stole it. Lady Gaga is busy and has no time for this nonsense. The dress is still up for auction. But it’s all the more reason to hearken back to the good old days of Ludicrous Lady Gaga. This wouldn’t have happened with the steak dress. Just grind it into sausages and burgers and pass it around to a few butchers. Once it’s eaten, no habeas corpus. No scandal.
