Last month a man drowned while proposing to his girlfriend underwater on holiday in Tanzania. According to BBC, the man (Steven Weber) and his girlfriend, Kenesha Antoine, were staying in a submerged cabin at the Manta Resort, off Pemba Island. Wearing a mask and fins, Weber had plunged into the water to make his proposal. He held a note (with the proposal message) against the cabin’s glass window as the lady watched and filmed from inside. However, there was an unfortunate turn of events when Weber failed to emerge from the water — he drowned. It could be the changing tide of relationships or the urge for companions to be thoughtful and creative, but something is definitely causing the changing face of marriage proposals. For instance, a few weeks ago, a certain marriage proposal went viral in Russia. The video showed a woman being dragged from her car by numerous masked “gunmen”, slammed on the bonnet and generally terrorised, before her boyfriend, who was in the car — and also in on the act, got down on one knee and proposed. Whereas James Kabera finds no fault in one trying to please their partner, he is still not sure that going overboard with a marriage proposal is necessary. “I strongly believe that such intimate moments are best enjoyed in the privacy of two people. Creating a spectacle doesn’t seem the best way to demonstrate your love for someone,” he says. Communications officer Juliette Karitanyi is of the view that both lovers need to be on the same page. Unless you are hiding your relationship from the world, but seeing your partner doing his best to make the proposal exciting, be it private or public, is something beautiful. No one is allergic to romance, she says. Karitanyi says she would prefer a simple but classy proposal. “Take me to a rooftop of a building; make a table of two-only, us and a photographer, with petals of roses and candles. Then call family and friends later. But before he shows the ring, I would love to hear a genuine speech from his heart; I would say something as well. This is a big step to spending a lifetime with somebody; you need to say things to each other and mean it. It might not be expensive but it has to come from a loving and romantic heart,” she says. Counsellor Claudine Gahongayire is of the view that it is important for couples to understand each other before choosing the kind of proposal they want to have. Some prefer going public whereas others want it private, hence, it is better for couples to talk about such, she says. “Going against your partner’s preference can lead to embarrassment or even harbour resentment, for one can choose to see the act as cynical, regardless of it being done out of a thoughtful or caring heart,” the counselor says. Paul Mugabo says people need to be careful not to be influenced by what they see in movies, for certain things do carry a lasting impact in relationships. “These things are done in movies and people want to imitate them but this just doesn’t work in real life,” he says. He also thinks that some people who go for such proposals don’t really do it out of love but for self-interests mainly. “I think that some men want to show off their wealth, and to their colleagues, how much they can accomplish if they choose to. It is rare for the woman and how much they love her,” he adds. Gerald Ruhimbana agrees with him, noting that if people want to spare themselves pain and public humiliation, proposals ought to be made simple and in private. “What happened to simplicity? I always think that for people to save themselves from heartache, it is better to propose in private,” Ruhimbana says. Businesswoman Giselle Tuyishime is of the view that public marriage proposals carry a sign of manipulation. “It is hard for one to say ‘no’ when they are being proposed to in public. Besides, saying no to a marriage proposal when a man has put in that much effort is really hard and can make one feel guilty, I find this as some form of coercion from the man’s side,” she says. Sharon Mbabazi shares her view, saying that she personally doesn’t find anything wrong with such proposals, noting that her concern here is when a man goes beyond his means just to prove something. In my opinion, there’s nothing to prove, if you love a woman and she loves you back “love” is all that matters, not how extreme you go regarding the proposal, she says. “I understand some men have a lot of money and they wouldn’t mind to splash it on their woman, but not all do it for love, sometimes it’s for show. I would prefer a simple marriage proposal, after all; a lot of work is to be invested in the marriage, not the proposal,” Mbabazi says. She adds that men shouldn’t go to lengths they can’t afford, they should be true to themselves and their significant other will understand and love them anyway, that’s if they are mature. “Ladies need to stop pressuring men if he can’t afford an extravagant marriage proposal, it doesn’t mean he is not man enough or he doesn’t love you. There are a lot of things to focus on as a couple rather than spending a lot on a marriage proposal,” she adds. Rebecca Tuyishime, a public relations officer, is all for simplicity and has nothing for such showy proposals. “I love simplicity, I don’t even think it is necessary to surprise me, go down on one knee in public and ask me to marry you. Well, I used to like it before; I guess I was just young and excited. But this has changed.” She says a proposal done on a simple date with just her and the boyfriend would still mean a lot to her. “Why hassle on spending a lot on a proposal? Many people hire the band, catering service, cake, yet there is a wedding ahead that needs money. What matters is the decision to come out, stand as a man, respect the relationship and take it to another level. To me, that means the world. I love it so simple,” Tuyishime says. *** WHAT IS YOUR TAKE ON MARRIAGE PROPOSALS? A marriage proposal should be simple and private because it is me you are asking and not the public. My issue with public proposals is that in most cases, the couple already knows and confirmed that they will get married, so is that a marriage proposal or should we call it a celebration of your new journey to marriage preparation? I would want a private engagement and may invite others later to celebrate. Vivian Mutangana -- I don’t mind such proposals, I think in such cases one can only appreciate their partner in making an effort to show them affection and how much they care for them. However, it is important for a man to know if it is what the woman wants. Sarah Tuyishime, Caretaker -- When a man goes overboard with a marriage proposal, I take that as a way of showing a woman how much he loves her. However, I believe it would be more meaningful if it is done within one’s means. Yves Ujeneza, Businessman -- I don’t understand people who go for these kinds of proposals. This is how some men get humiliated, some women don’t even like such public stunts. I always think a marriage proposal is fun when kept simple. James Bashaija, Cashier editorial@newtimesrwanda.com
