Single and satisfied!

Ladies Speak out It is that time of the year when women dread not having anyone drop flowers and chocolates at their offices and men dread having to deliver the same to the said offices. Media has over hyped (and consequently commercialised) relationships. But, is it really a big deal to be single? Bookstores are stocked with books on how to keep a relationship alive, how to sexually please your partner, how to make a marriage last. Rarely will you find a book on being “single and loving it.” Judy Senoga, a business lady in Kigali enjoys being single especially since she realized how healthy it was. She believes that being single is a life-saving, rejuvenating experience. “In fact, one can’t truly be successful in a relationship without being single for a time. Being single allows us to do what we want, when we want, and with whom we want without having to answer to anyone,” she stressed. She is proud of taking full responsibility of her bills, planning her activities, and entertaining herself. She now has the time to sit in quiet solitude, to belch as loud as she wants, and secretly watch shows that no one else would actually ever admit to watching. This is because she has more time on her hands and does not avoid looking after her self by focusing her energies on someone else. Francine Nyirabera lamented that it’s a pity how the African society pities the single African woman yet they excuse a white woman claiming that it’s understood for the later to be single. Nyirabera has no regrets or apologies to make for being single. “Basically, being single gives me the opportunity to discover who I am, what I do and don’t like, how I deal with things, what I want out of life, what my expectations are, what my potentials and limitations are,” she noted. However Francine differed with Judy who thought that the goal of being single should be to prepare oneself for a relationship. In her opinion the goal of being single should be to learn to fulfill ourselves, to meet our needs, and to develop as a human beings regardless of whether or not we choose to enter into a relationship. Sherry Lynnn Obenauer is a psychologist who now works as a freelance writer and she thinks that by learning to love and care for ourselves, we diminish the risk of starving for someone else to fill the void within our souls; a void that only we can truly fill. The purpose of entering into a relationship should be to share oneself with another person as opposed to trying to get from someone what is lacking in ourselves. To expect someone else to fill in the gaps usually results in grave disappointments, a sense of failure, and endless resentment. Muthoni a Kenyan studying in Kigali said the power of being single is the fact that you don’t have to ‘impose your parents on someone else’. “The root cause of break ups in relationship is the in-law factor and jealousy being the typical by-product of couple hood,” she warned. She now catches fewer colds and can eat onions in her samosa or chew garlic whenever she wants without having to explain her breath to anybody. Muthoni`s journal is now filled with far more exciting tales than the usual boring relationship status. Contact: karuthum@gmail.com