She met him at a friend’s birthday party; it was love at first sight. They had a lengthy one-on-one, smiling and giggling, and eventually, they exchanged contacts. They were inseparable. It was like something from a “Romeo and Juliet” script. If you were still confused about love, they were the definition. If they were a novel, you would want to keep reading. Unfortunately, Cathy and Tony’s attraction to each other was more physical than emotional. It wasn’t love at all. Eventually, their true characters surfaced. They had different dreams, plans and clashed ever so often. Tony was a ‘womaniser’. His ‘wandering eye’ was well known. Cathy was materialistic. She loved expensive phones, fancy bags, clothes, a car—generally the whole ‘life in the fab lane’ lifestyle. Tony couldn’t afford all that, he was a receptionist at a well-known hotel. His salary couldn’t cover her luxurious needs. There was a wall dividing the two. Their egos were too high, they never bothered to sit down and try to settle the hitches. In six months, the ‘love birds’ had become ‘exes’. Many relationships fail to work out due to a number of factors, but sometimes, you can tell that a relationship is toxic before you get in too deep. If you need to change who you are to make your partner happy, you are never in their plans, are emotionally and verbally abused, or when your partner compares you to other people, you deserve better. It is not a healthy relationship if you are constantly trying to prove your worth. It is not healthy if you don’t support each other’s dreams, you never talk about achievements or concerns or never apologise when wrong. Is it really a relationship if your ‘partner’ never introduces you to friends or family members? Or wants things to go their way all the time? Or notices only flaws and not strengths? I don’t think so. There is nothing as trying as a significant other who puts you down—in private or public. A relationship that is not built on trust cannot go far. If your partner doesn’t feel comfortable with you using their phone, they might be hiding something. A relationship doesn’t have to be perfect, but you have to be willing to support and trust each other. Settle your grievances, don’t have high expectations, learn from each other and be patient. editor@newtimesrwanda.com
