Mediatrice Uwumutima could not believe it when her daughter showed her wrist wounds that she got from trying to end her life. The truth was triggered when the two were having an argument. “I immediately asked that we calm down to have a mother-daughter conversation so that she may open up about what happened, only for me to find out that she had struggled with depression for some years. It was my first time to notice it,” the mother said. Uwumutima noted that after a long conversation with her daughter, they both agreed on seeking psychiatric help which allowed her to gradually open up, and in the healing process, she eventually established an organisation that helps other people struggling with the same issue. The number of people battling depression has been on the rise over recent years, not to say that cases weren’t there before but the ongoing awareness campaigns to fight stigma around the issue have greatly helped in encouraging more people to seek help. Data from Ndera Neuropsychiatric Hospital indicates that 20 percent out of the 7,817 patients battling depression since the start of 2022 are children aged 19 and below. The overall number increased by fourfold from 1,743 patients recorded last year, according to the hospital, and the majority of the new cases are middle-aged people between 20 and 39 years. Innocent Nsengiyumva, a Psychologist at Legacy Clinic, notes that for a parent to identify depression in their child’s life, they have to know its symptoms. He mentions that a parent should be alarmed when the child experiences unusual sad or bad moods for about two weeks, it may also be shown by loss of appetite or overeating, loss of interest in anything they previously enjoyed, or losing interest in life itself, among other symptoms. Nsengiyumva says that as much as it might be difficult to differentiate behavior patterns of what normal teenagers go through from that of depression, a parent has to have a deep connection with the child to notice and make sense of the changes. Christelle Ishimwe, a Clinical Psychologist based in Kigali, also emphasizes on the need for a parent to establish a strong relationship with their child at an early age. “This does not only allow the child to easily share their problems with you but it creates a long-lasting relationship that even when they are older, they will still be able to open up to you,” she adds. Some of the mistakes that parents make that trigger mental health issues in their children include unbalanced punishments, lack of affection towards them, and the attitude of shutting them up every time they want to say something which leads to locking themselves away permanently. Ishimwe also points out that most of the diagnosed cases of depression in children are transgenerational, “which means that parents also need to heal so they can be able to help such children.” Case in point, Uwumutima said that among the reasons for her daughter’s depression was the loss of her father and the age gap with her siblings which left her feeling unloved and other sorts of feeling that comes with it. “I was also a young widow and battled my pain as well which blinded me from seeing how affected my daughter was. Parents should bear in mind to never project their pain and trauma on their children because they end up affected too,” she added. Ishimwe notes that as much as there is a need for strong family ties, parents should remember to allow their children to have a social life of good friends. “It’s not always that a child will share every incident that hurts them, some can only be understood and shared with friends.”
