Diaspoman: Our first experience at a Massage parlor

There is a time when Aggrey and I got embarrassed at a massage parlour. That was over 10 years ago when we crossed from our old Kiyovu of the poor (it has since been demolished) to the rich section of Kiyovu. We crossed over courtesy of our good old friend called Afande Niko, who had insisted that we were not supposed to be living in a slum! That is why he arranged for a nice small but posh house in the Kiyovu of the rich. He assured us that he would be leaving Gisenyi over the weekends to come and party with us at our new home. But once we had crossed the bridge that connected poor Kiyovu to the rich one, life started to slap us in the face. The slaps came in small unnoticeable phases. First, we had to bear the high prices of beers and brochettes. Our old budgets at Cosmos bar in Nyamirambo had been doubled. We therefore had two options; double the cash for our daily dose, or slash the number of bottles per day! This was a painful exercise for both Aggrey and I. You see, prior to our fateful Gisenyi reunion with Afande Niko; our lives had been in total peace. The ever noisy and hectic Cosmos bar used to be our safe haven. We would enter this place to a standing ovation. Patrons would surround us and shower us with all sorts of praises. This would normally be followed by a drinking marathon, in which our pockets would fall victim. We would toss rounds of booze until our pockets went dry. The only negative aspect about this famous Nyamirambo joint was that we would enter the bar in total peace but leave late at night in pieces. The next morning, we would pick up the pieces wondering how on earth we had made it home. Neither Aggrey nor I would recall who brought us home in the wee hours of the morning. There were some really good nights when we would get too zonked to recall who snatched our valuable wrist watches and money purses. Such a loss would serve as a wake up call. We would wake up cursing and swearing in the name of God never to return to Nyamijos for a drink. But late in the evenings, we would somehow unknowingly find ourselves hoofing through the shortcuts and eventually ending up at Cosmos for yet another binge. So after a couple of days in our newly furnished home at the heart of Kiyovu of the tarmac, we decided to send a message to Afande Niko in Gisenyi. We requested him to reverse his decision! We wanted to go back to our good old Kiyovu of the poor where booze was much cheaper. But he begged us not to leave! Instead, he assured us that he was coming over with some of his female friends for a weekend. “Please don’t go back”! Indeed, that weekend he came with his jeep full of his female friends ready for a party! Ngo it was his birthday! The truth of the matter is that Aggrey was celebrating his third birthday of the year. Our heads had forgotten that we had earlier celebrated two of his birthdays at Cosmos bar. What is more is that Aggrey, who had been born to real villager parents, did not have the slightest idea of which year he was born, let alone the month. You dare ask any villager whether he remembers his birthday. He will come to you today and give you a date which he will totally contradict after a week! Anyways, as soon as our Gisenyi guests had arrived, they put down one immediate demand! They all wanted to visit the health club for a massage. Wow, the six of them plus the three of us would cost a fortune! This was no time for complaining and so we hit the road. At the health centre, Aggrey and I walked around with our small chests protruding outwards with an air of arrogance. We paid the hefty sum and all moved into the cubicles for a good massage. This was heaven indeed! Imagine after this, we would stroll down for a number of cold ones. Life could never be better, could it? Not quite though. Aggrey and I were in for some unpleasant surprises. You see, it was the very first time for us to be treated to a massage. That is why we acted like real jerks when the health club personnel began to gently rub their smooth palms on our naked bodies. Instead of falling asleep like our dear friends, Aggrey and I started to laugh and giggle out loudly as the fingers tickled us! We laughed so much that it became unbearable. And so like lightening in a storm, we sprinted out wrapped in towels. We never looked back until we reached our doorstep. What a mess! It was so obvious that the village had completely refused to come out from us… Contact: diaspoman@yahoo.com