Diana Kagisha’s life is what some women dream of. She wears expensive clothing, lives in a grand neighbourhood, drives a posh car and enjoys luxurious holidays around the world. Paris, Dubai, the Maldives, you name it. How a young woman without a job can afford all this is the real story. Kagisha admits to being in a relationship with a man kind enough to ‘bless’ her with this fancy lifestyle. Kagisha says she will not settle for, in her words, a mediocre life — one that doesn’t meet society’s expectations. Is this why many young women have the same interest, to make it in life, regardless of how it is done? Are girls under social media pressure to live and portray a certain kind of lifestyle? Because of this, a new breed of men has hit the dating scene — the ‘blessers’, aka ‘sponsors’. Formally known as ‘sugar daddies’, these ‘blessers’ promise money, expensive clothes, trips around the world and all sorts of luxuries in exchange for sex. The ‘blesser’ phenomenon Crème Kantengwa, a banker, says women go for these men for various reasons. Some women want a lavish lifestyle and have to sustain it with the help of these ‘sponsors’. Others do it out of greed while some succumb to peer pressure, she adds. “They want to have what their friends have but through easier means just so they fit in. But the outcome is unhappiness and depression. Most of these girls have to give sex in exchange for these luxuries,” she says. Kantengwa says because women view this as easy money, they become too lazy to work, so what happens when these men do not want them anymore? She wonders. Richard Kalisa, an IT expert, says men do this mostly for companionship and convenience, and that this kind of relationship always starts like a partnership of sorts where both parties come with particular expectations. “Whenever there is need for affection, these women are always available and they, on the other hand, agree to settle for this kind of relationship because they get pampered.” Kalisa, however, notes that blessers have only created an influx of women who are comfortable that way because they are provided with the freedom they have always wanted. “It has nurtured many feminist ideologies in society which contradict with cultural or traditional values in some cases,” he says. Kalisa also points out the rise of dysfunctional families. “This lifestyle has also led to the birth of many fatherless children.” Jerome Nkotanyi shares his view saying that most of these scenarios happen because these ‘sponsors’ have money and just need a young and active woman to spend it on. “Sad as this is, it is the reality in our society. Women sleep with men for their money and these shameless men splash millions just so they can get affection. This is absurd because most of these men are married,” he says. Kenyan socialite Vera Sidika is rumoured to have blessers who pay for her first class travel expenses. Can these relationships be justified? Liane Mulekatete says she cannot judge people who enter this kind of relationship because the world has done worse. “It is not morally right for a woman to date a man for money nor is it proper for men to pay women for love, but I believe people have their reasons. We are different. Life has taken us through different paths and we all have different experiences. For some, it could be poverty while others just need the affection,” she says. With this, Mulekatete believes people should be left to do what they need to do for themselves to survive in life. Robert Mugabe, however, disagrees saying that ‘blesser-blessee’ relationships can never be justified because they are degrading to women, as some call it prostitution. “They can call it what they want but as long as you exchange sexual favours for money, it is prostitution. Besides, women who subscribe to this tend to be unambitious because they know they can always get what they want by offering their bodies to any willing buyer. It is pathetic,” Mugabe adds. Florine Uwase, a kiosk attendant, believes that no woman would choose a life of humiliation, and that in most cases, it is the hurdles of life that push them to do things that are at times considered pitiful. “For many young women, this is their only way out of poverty. Finding employment these days is close to impossible and a woman has to survive. There are bills to pay and if you have a man willing to cater for all this, why not give him a chance?” she says. Emmanuel Kanobana, a reflexologist, is completely against this kind of relationship arguing that it only promotes laziness among women and increases immorality in society. “How can a man build a home well knowing that there are women willing to give him what he wants at the snap of his fingers just as long as he is loaded with cash? We are paving way for money to be the ruler of our lives and this is not good,” he says. He is against the idea of having a blesser saying that this can never be justifiable. “Why not find a proper source of income if you want money? And for men, why not find a wife if you are searching for intimacy and companionship?” The main cause of all this is because people want what they want without really working hard for it, he adds. “I don’t know what is happening to the world but we are clearly in the end times. Morals are no longer part of our societies and what used to be an abomination is now a mere trend which is part of life. We should stop viewing these things as normal because this is only going to make matters worse.” editorial@newtimes.co.rw
