I am proudly single but let me be the first to say that it’s not by choice. Because to say that I’m single by choice is to say that I have been approached by a tall dark handsome virtuous non-patriarch who has a great sense of humour and whose head and pockets are well put together. And I have said to that man; “No thanks, I’d rather be alone.” That hasn’t happened. So no, I’m not out here sleeping alone, waking up alone, grunting as I struggle to zip up my dress every morning, and having conversations with the people in my head out of choice. I am single only until such a time when the dating scene decides to be kind to me. We humans are social beings and every day we seek love and acceptance desperately from our family, friends, partners and everyone we meet. “I want to be alone” is therefore a cry for help. You’ve been hurt and you want to be alone until you are comforted and reassured that the human race isn’t entirely made up of scum. You need kindness. A group hug, perhaps. You need someone to tell you not to worry, to convince you that you’ll find true love someday. People say, “I want to be alone” when it’s more polite than “I don’t want to be with you in particular.” They will tell you that they need to work on themselves. They will say that they are not ready to be committed to anyone. That they are busy with work and school and trying to make a living. But really it’s you they don’t want. It’s possible that at the same time, they are pleading with someone else to bail them out of their aloneness. And if that person (who is not you) gives them a chance, they’ll jump in head first and do everything within their power to make it work. Some people say that they want to be alone just to sound complicated and interesting. We all need love. So much so that we fight over it. We cry ourselves dehydrated over it. We go to jail. We die because of it. So if someone declares that they need and want nobody, we want to find out why. We are intrigued by their supposed courage and strength to go through life alone. We want to be like them when we grow up. “I want to be alone” is bait. It’s a challenge for people who are narcissistic enough to believe that they the exception to the rule. Because now they will work hard to prove themselves superior everyone you’ve met before. They will say: “My capacity to love is unlimited it scares me.” They will feel accomplished when finally they are the only ones you let in. The only you trust, the only one you love while you shut out the rest of the world. In short, don’t believe the increasing hype of taking pride in solitude. Nobody wants to be alone.
