WOMAN 2 WOMAN: How to handle adolescents

“I don’t know what to do with my son,he has become so stubborn of late ! His performance at school has declined yet he refused to attend coaching lessons”, my friend Dorothy, 45, a mother of two recently confided in me. Apparently her son Junior, at the tender age of 16, also has a girlfriend. “One night some girl called me late in the night asking for Junior! I was so alarmed that I abused her and hung up the phone! How can a boy of 16 have a girlfriend? Since then I am so worried about my son, I don’t know what to do,” she lamented. Dorothy’s story is shared by many parents. The problems may not be the exactly the same ,but one constant element in parent–adolescent relationships is that in most cases the adolescents often refuse parental advice and guidance and prefer to listen to their peers. Apparently, as pre-adolescents begin rapid physical, emotional and social changes, they start to question adult standards and the need for parental guidance. They find it reassuring to turn to friends who ‘understand’ and ‘sympathise’, for ‘advice’ - friends who are in the same position themselves. But what is adolescence? It is the period within one’s life span when most of a person’s biological, cognitive, psychological, and social characteristics are changing, from what is typically considered child-like to what is considered adult-like. Adolescence also means a time to hurry to accomplish and time to dare without thinking of the consequences. It is a time to open new windows and see life in different shades of maturity. Young people on the verge of being adults, but with childlike innocence, do qualify as adolescents. They refuse to be treated like kids, but since they can get influenced by peers and role models very easily, it is difficult to treat them as responsible adults as well. It is very challenging to handle an adolescent child. It is a difficult but important phase of life. This is the stage where emotions need to be taken care of sensitively or else parents end up losing the bonding with their adolescent children altogether. According to psychologists, as children grow, develop, and move into early adolescence, involvement with one’s peers and the attraction of peer identification increases. All adolescents have some issues that may incessantly bother them such as: conflicts with parents, conflicts with siblings, concerns about peers and peer relationships, concerns about school and in today’s world, concerns about their physical safety. Parents need to show considerable responsibility in handling children at such a phase and also be prepared to deal with whatever behaviour that comes during this stage. Some tips on how to handle your adolescent children: Be warm and loving. Do not show hostility towards your teen. If your teen’s social circle, academic progress or attitude is not acceptable to you, do not be aggressive in your approach. Talk and listen to your teen and provide solutions in a friendly manner. Your teen will be highly protective about his/her privacy. Respect that, but be well-informed about your teen’s routine. A little care needs to be taken in handling their emotions for you to get a positive response from them. Unlike what most adults or parents think, young people need correction but not punishment to know what is wrong and what is right. More so, adolescence is also a crucial phase for their academic development as well yet at this stage, adolescents very easily get distracted. They explore new hobbies and might try to pick up a parent’s or a peer habits as well. For instance they may try to smoke once in a while. Or go to watch movies (XXXX movies) on sly. They will also try to read or sift through adult “dirty” literature. They are also curious and conscious of their own physical and emotional changes. They may explore friendship with the opposite gender and here it becomes important to have a frank talk with them about physical intimacy and its consequences. As far as Sex education is concerned, the easiest way for parents to talk to their children is to base your discussions on science. Explain to your child for instance that HIV/AIDS has no cure and this will help the children to be more careful. Science also goes a long way in removing all wrong notions and fears and anxiety. Teenage pregnancy and motherhood in girls occur due to ignorance. And with HIV reality looming large it is all the more important to educate young boys and girls. Most importantly their emotions need to be taken care of sensitively. Or else parents end up losing the bonding with adolescent children altogether. Contact: ubernie@gmail.com