Humour: Why I need to visit Banque y’abaturage

During the recent festive days of 2008, I realised how much I need to obtain a loan from Banque y’abaturage. I realised this after being mercilessly dumped at the city roundabout. You see, I had tried to hook up with Aggrey’s snobbish and rich colleagues at one of the most expensive hotels in town. We sat at the counter guzzling beers as we said goodbye to the year 2008! The place was busy and people were in a very celebratory mood. As for us, we continued to consume more booze and snacks! After swallowing lots of Heinekens, I started to imagine that I was a rich guy in the middle of a Johannesburg casino. That is why I started pacing up and down patting fellow drunkards on their backs. I began to exchange pleasantries with some of the expatriates at the hotel. I found it appropriate to borrow some tough jargons that I had learnt at SFB. So I found myself uttering such sentences to the expatriates; “Guys, you see if this bullish market continues like this, almost anything you buy will go up. So just simply invest in stocks as it is very easy and safe…” I think these expatriates slowly realised that I was getting into a gibberish state. That is why they slowly excused themselves as if they were going to the toilets. Soon enough, I found myself surrounded by the barmaids at the bar. They were demanding for their payment. Luckily, one of Aggrey’s friends was still around. This time he was seated with a chick in a corner and they seemed to be in real love. I approached him and asked him about Aggrey. As it turned out, Aggrey had also become too zonked to remember me. Apparently he had left for home. I started to wonder as to how I’d settle this huge bill and as to how indeed I would reach home in Gikondo. I tried to beep Aggrey but then I discovered that there were just 10 francs on my account. I was stuck. But when a man is in dire straits, he will do anything to save himself. That is what forced me to face Aggrey’s friend again. This time his girlfriend gave me a stingy look that seemed to be saying; “Get the hell out of here burger!” I then told Aggrey’s buddy that I needed a lift home. Would he be kind enough to drop me? “Sure, I’ll drop you. Just seat over there and wait for us. Take a drink on me.” Ha! I was relieved. I regained my stamina and beckoned those barmaids who had been harassing me all along. I told them to send all the bills to the other boss across there. “And bring me two cold Heinekens now.” I was feeling at the top of the world. After another hour or so, Aggrey’s friend stood up to leave with his chick. I quickly sobered up and run behind them to remind them about the lift. “Oh? We had almost forgotten about you, come follow us.” So I hobbled behind them and climbed into his posh turbo 4-wheel machine. We then sped off. He asked me where I lived. I informed him that I stayed in Gikondo. At this stage, his girlfriend cooed up to him. “Darling, Gikondo is not a safe place. It is full of baturage. They can hijack this vehicle. Just leave him at the Garé.” It was at this point that I realised how badly I needed this loan. Since I was being branded a real muturage, I better start this year by visiting the Banque y’abaturage for a loan. With this loan, I can at least buy myself a boda boda. Anyways, before I could utter the word “Gitarama”, I found myself being dumped at the Kigali roundabout. Aggrey’s friend then tossed me a 1,000 franc note and bade me goodnight. Alone in the cold, I started to call out for a boda boda. Banque Populaire; Here I come… Contact: diaspoman@yahoo.com