WOMAN 2 WOMAN: Reconcile and rebuild your relationships

The beginning of a New Year provides a rare opportunity for people to make fresh beginnings. Quite often when people talk about New Year resolutions, you will discover that most of them are related to accumulating wealth and enhancing their careers. In most cases what is largely ignored has to do with pertinent issues concerning our families and relationships. What people forget is that when family relationships are damaged and broken, people become less productive and are even capable of losing sight of their goals in life. For that reason, as the New Year begins, it will be a good thing if you concentrate on rebuilding broken relationships within the family. Whether it is your husband, children, in-laws or even family friends, it is important to make it a priority to streamline your relationship with each one of them. As a woman having a strong bond, your husband or partner should be a core value due to the fact that as a couple you are the drivers of a home. Continued friction between couples will not only create bad accumulated feelings within a home but also among the children. True, you are suspecting he is having an affair or ‘misbehaving’ coming home late and drunk, instead of being confrontational a little diplomacy would do. Tell him politely that as the New Year sets in you are giving him a second chance to be a better husband and that you still love him no matter. It is very difficult to forgive and forget especially when somebody has hurt your feelings by having an extra-marital affair, but those who are willing to repair and rebuild the relationship, with persistence and effort, can do so. As a couple you must exchange forgiveness. This means that both people will admit their part in the problem. Often one person is guiltier than the other, especially where an extra marital affair is concerned. But perhaps the other spouse had developed a cold attitude toward the offender, driving him or her to an outsider for affection. Even if there appears to be no direct connection between the two parties’ behaviours and the affair, a breach provides the opportunity for self-reflection and a commitment to improved relationship qualities, such as communication and patience. The offender must promise not to repeat the problem. Whether an affair has disrupted the unity in marriage or a teenager has lied and broken trust with a parent, it is important for the bad behaviour to be recognised as wrong and be avoided in the future. If a series of flirtations led to an affair, the flirting needs to stop. This may mean the couple will stay away from events where attractive partners will pay attention to the straying partner ,for example. The parties should discuss contributing factors to the troubling issue and come to an agreement about how to interrupt the process that has led to the problem. As you try to rebuild the relationship, the offender must become accountable. This can take two forms. One type is with the spouse or family member that has been hurt by the other’s actions. If he used to come home at odd hours without much explanation or an untruthful explanation, he must now offer contact options to the other person so that his whereabouts and excuses can be verified. The other type of accountability is with a friend or mentor. This involves meeting or talking on a regular basis to discuss the offender’s commitment to correcting a problem behaviour, with the mentor providing advice or support as well as admonition when needed. The offended family member must be willing to take a supporting role. This may require a change in behaviour or an attitude adjustment. There can be no bringing up the past once it has been dealt with. Nor should the offended person hold a grudge. Instead, an attitude of patience and support will help the offender overcome the problem actions and stay on course for rebuilding the relationship. A friendly demeanour or a pat on the back can help a struggling partner feel valued and worthwhile. As a couple when the storm in your relationship has calmed down celebrate successes. With every milestone, such as annual commemorations or other anniversaries, the two family members need to emphasise the positive milestones in their relationship while downplaying the negative. This will help to reinforce unity and build forgiveness into the fabric of their relationship. Trust is a prized possession. Once you earn it from someone, don’t surrender it easily. Be willing to do what it takes to keep the relationship fun and functional. Happy New Year! Contact: ubernie@gmail.com