Impressions: Thinking about joining pirates

At first, when I heard that a group of Somali young men were seizing oil tankers and ocean liners loaded with merchandise and then letting them off after the owners parted with exorbitant ransoms (hey! we are talking in Millions of dollars!), I thought it was all hearsay. Apparently armed with archaic (but effective) AK47’s and RPG’s fit to be in the museum, the pirates were launching sea ambushes off the Somali coast. Then one morning, I woke up to watch CNN, and to my surprise the brave boys of the sea were smiling right into the camera. They were thanking God, rather Allah who sent them MV Faina, all the way from Ukraine to Somaliland. Like manna falling from heaven, the boys couldn’t wait but jump onto the ship, hold captive the crew and then ask for about $25m. But the least they could settle for is $8m. Gosh, the last time I had about this kind of money was during the soccer transfer season. As the MV Faina owners grappled around trying to raise the $8m, an Indian ship trespassed, landing into the hands of the pirates. Then a Chinese offshore fishing ship, a Japanese and of late Mr. Sirius Star, the Arabian oil tanker which the pirates are not willing to release until a $15m ransom is paid. Just as we were all wondering how on earth young thin men, armed with rudimentary guns, not even wearing trousers could manage to beat the resident joint naval force deployed to fend off the threat posed by these elusive pirates to the ships sailing this busy sea route, they captured more and more ships. And it was announced, that these modern day pirates have so far earned between $150- 160m since they began ‘working’. Look here, I am not in support of Pirates but hey, I am tempted to say that I am in a way starting to like their tactics. In fact, I condemn the acts of piracy strongly, even though am packing my bags to join them. This is because, I see it as the only means to breakout of this cycle of poverty that has engulfed me for the bigger part of the life I have managed to live so far. While I had planned to find a way of discovering my relations to Obama, I see this (joining the pirates) as the nearest and possible means to skillfully plot my way out of poverty. Besides Somalia is near, I won’t need to line up and bargain for a visa to Somaliland as it would be when am heading for the US. I mean, when is the last time you heard about somebody earning $10m dollars without breaking a sweat? Did you say Bill Gates? Am told the guy’s fortune is also declining in the wake of the global financial crisis. These guys have defied the law of finances, while the rest of the world is heading into recession, the pirates’ business is booming. They are heading to the bank with hard cash dollars. Am told they even marry the most beautiful women who dare pass within their sight and live like “Princes”. Man this is the kind of life I cannot kill for, but at least I can hijack a ship for. Am at the moment watching Pirates of the Caribbean trying to get some skills, and in my mind I can see my self taking up the position of ‘Pirate in Chief’. The next column will be written off the coast of Somalia. Contact: kagire_eddie@yahoo.com