Disgruntled Single Female: The truth about false advertising

Jane writes a semi-funny comment on a status update of a mutual friend. You see it. You go to her wall to do a bit of stalking. Ah she’s so pretty! Her red lips, rosy cheeks, curled eye lashes and thick black eyebrows create an appetite. You must meet her. But how are you going to get her attention? First, you show appreciation of her comment with a teary-eyed laughter emoji.“You’ve killed me,” you say. Of course in truth you didn’t even smile. Soon the two of you are in boxing each other. Soon you’re ready to meet outside the virtual world. Of course you do not take her to a mediocre restaurant that matches the mediocre size of your pocket. You go to a place where chefs know that it’s not necessary to drown food in cooking oil. So you’ve advertised yourself as the guy that can afford places. So she continues to show up dressed to the nines and made up to go to high class places. You must keep up. Your wallet suffers a drought which leads to famine. You decide to improvise. You invite her to your place. She ends up sleeping over. In the morning, you wake up to a woman with dark lips, short and scattered eyelashes, almost non-existent eyebrows and some pimples. You feel betrayed. This is false advertising! You must now find a way to rid yourself of her. You reduce your phone calls and texts and presence until they completely die down. She nags you about for a while until she gives up. She tells you she is done. You’re free at last! Now you’re on Facebook ranting about girls who are ‘unnatural’ and put misleading pictures on social media. Really? So you thought that the natural colour of lips is red and that a natural face looks glassy? Really? And of course, you must lament the financial loss suffered from having to maintain the typically materialistic 21st century woman. You neglect to mention that she didn’t force you to be pretentious. You receive supportive comments from both women and men because God knows society loves to judge and chastise women. Some of the comments are coming from ‘natural’ female friends you didn’t bother to give a second look because you thought they looked too plain. If those women learnt to put some effort in their looks maybe someone might want to be with them, right? Meanwhile, Jane thinks that you used her and dumped her. So now she thinks it’s true what they say about all 21st century men. That they will only be nice to you until they get that ‘one thing.’ Then you’re history. She vows not to give free ‘services’ in the next relationship. She will only go out with people who can take her to expensive places and give her expensive things. Now she has fully evolved to satisfy the biased description of 21st century woman. And you, you’ve learn nothing new.

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Disgruntled Single Female: The truth about false advertising